VOICE - UNEXPECTED RESULTS FROM MY 2015 ONE LITTLE WORD

My One Little Word for 2015 was VOICE.  Now that we are a couple months into 2016, I thought I would do a final "check-in" and recap of what this word has grown to mean to me.

Being true to myself and doing so bravely were the big ideas behind choosing VOICE as my word for 2015.  I also had smaller, spin-off hopes and goals related to the word, but I really wanted to focus on giving myself the freedom to live confidently as me.

If you follow Gretchen Rubin (via books, podcast, blog, etc.), you have probably heard her personal commandment to "Be Gretchen."  Choosing voice was, in part, my way of reminding myself to "Be brooke."

As the year progressed, I found myself challenged by the lack of tangible, doable action items related to my word.  I really wanted to be able to make a list and work my way through it, crossing things off as I went along.  My word, or at least my interpretation of it, did not lend itself to this.

Instead, it was more of a subjective, "feeling" type word.  It required reflection - on both big and small scales.  I tried to continually ask myself, "What choice would I make if I were being true to myself?"  When it was time to look back, I asked myself "Have I been true to my own voice?  Am I headed somewhere I want to head?"

By the time I reached the end of the year I was more than ready to be done with this word.  I do feel like I am in a better, braver place when it comes to following my own voice.  But, I think I was already kind of there before.  My natural tendency is to question every expectation and to only follow through on the ones that make sense to me.  (I'm a questioner.)  So, I'm not sure "voice" really got me much further along the path.

But, (and I'm thankful for this but) there have been some unexpected and unintended results that came from having this word in my life and keeping it at the front of my conscience.

First, Sam.  He started speech/language therapy last August and his little voice has just blossomed in the intermittent months.  He is still a long ways behind a "typical' child of his age, but the results of therapy (and home work) have been amazing.  Although this link to my word was unintentional, the outcome is pretty fabulous.  I have loved watching him conquer each of the goals that his therapist sets out for him and seeing his language skills mature along the way.

Second, blogging.  I haven't been doing it and I'm more than okay with that.  While I don't intend for this to be "the end" of my blogging life, I really like that I have come to terms with writing or not writing as I feel so moved.  For too long, I put completely unnecessary pressure on myself to share on a set schedule and, over time, I began to put my role as "blogger" above things that were ultimately more important.

I love to write and I usually feel like I have something I want to share with the world, but the why behind it had kind of morphed into an icky thing.  It was part obligation and part "your voice doesn't exist / matter / hold value" if you're not sharing it with the internet at large.

I think that blogging was the real/big reason that I needed voice to be my word for 2015.  I needed to get to a place where I could release this part of my life from the weird pedestal where I had placed it.

Now, two months into 2016, I think I'm there.  I think I've sufficiently given it up and done so for the right reasons.  I feel like I can now come back to it with a different perspective.  So, you may find me here or you may not.  My plan is to write when I want to write and to not write when I don't want to write....in other words, just doing what feels real and true and fits with my voice.

Cheers and thank you for reading.

More posts on this topic:

One Little Word: Voice
Voice: January
Voice: February
Voice: March
Voice: April
Voice: May-September

BLOG MOVING (AND RELATED THOUGHTS)

The big blog move has been on my mind since mid-May.  At that point, I wasn't sure if I wanted to return to blogging or not, but I did know that I wanted to move my posts to Blogger.  Independent of my final decision to get back to a regular blogging schedule, I've written a lot of posts in the last few years that I didn't want to lose.

I created my new Blogger account in mid-August and had a goal of completing the blog move (including closing my Typepad account) by the end of September.  Happily, everything worked out a bit faster than anticipated and the move was accomplished by the middle of September.

I thought it might be worthwhile to explain some of the reasoning behind the change and also what went into the move.

Switching to Blogger:

I really had no issues with Typepad, but was tired of paying a monthly fee and still wanted my blog to look clean and professional, which proved difficult (although probably not impossible) with a basic (free) Typepad account.  

In addition to the financial benefits of my switch to Blogger, I also wanted to make a clean break and start anew with only my favorite content and a new look.

Deciding which posts to keep:

There is probably some magical, digital way of moving posts from one platform to another, but I didn't even google to see if that option existed.  I didn't want to move every single post that I'd ever written and wanted to choose the keepers on a post-by-post basis, not by general category.  

I rather enjoyed my time copying and pasting posts from one platform to the other.  I read through a lot of my writing and took a nice little trip through the past few years of my life.  I didn't really go into the copying and pasting process with a plan for which posts to keep.  I wanted to allow myself room for gut decisions and wanted to make those decisions one post at a time rather than by topic or category.

I did keep all (or almost all) of my One Little Word, Around Here/Currently, and Capsule Wardrobe posts.  I kept a few of the posts that were about the "why" behind my scrapbooking and some that detailed specific documenting "how to" information, but I did not keep any of the posts that were just photos of my scrapbooking layouts.  I also left behind most of the link-up type posts with links to other sites.  

Using a design template:


I purchased a design template from Allison of Green Tangerine Design via Etsy.  Her templates work for blogger and the site looked lovely as soon as it was installed.  If I had found something similar to use with Typepad, I might have stuck with their platform, but it seemed like everything I found was only compatible with Blogger or Wordpress.  

Over the past few years, I have grown quite adept at using the Typepad platform to build and tweak my blog design.  While I think design work is fun, I often let it get in the way of just putting up a post.  I would spend hours considering a tiny detail of my site design instead of using my precious little free time to actually write a post.  

With my purchased design I have no need (or ability) to mess with the design.  Taking that option away leaves time for me to actually write my posts, which is the meat of this blogging business, right?  While I enjoy the design process, I don't want that to be the focus of my time and I'm already appreciating the "done" factor of this site's design.

Plus, I really like the way everything looks.  That was important to me.  

An additional and unexpected bonus to the design template is that I no longer have to resize my photos before posting them.  The template resizes them for me.  Hello time saver.

One downside of this move and using this template is that not all of the photos were moved successfully from my previous blog.  When I first moved things over, it all looked good.  But there are many posts that currently just have the image file names and no images.  I wish it was otherwise, but - meh - what are you going to do?  I'm not going to stress over it.  

RSS reader issues:

While I am still using the same custom domain that I had before (www.brookepetermann.com), if you previously followed me on bloglovin' or another RSS reader, you will need to click to "follow" me again.  If you use a feed reader, you may need to search for www.brookepetermann.blogspotcom. This is the direct link for following through bloglovin'.

I was concerned about the possibility of losing readers due to the switch and had intentions of posting a final "I've moved" post on Typepad before closing that account, but it didn't happen.  Again - oops! - but what's done is done.

Moving forward:

And I'm back at this business of blogging.  After nine years, it feels like a pretty natural part of my life.  When I'm not writing, I'm thinking about what I could be writing. 

My plan is to write four days a week - Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.  There might be weeks when I take additional time off, but I know that having a plan is a huge part of keeping me going and this schedule feels like a good balance between living life and sharing my life in this space. 

Thanks for being here and making the move with me.

SEPTEMBER IS HERE (AND SOME BLOGGING THOUGHTS)

September is here.  Brian has been back to school for a few weeks.  It is a new season and one that I've been anxiously awaiting.

I wouldn't change our summers for anything.  This one, in particular, was pretty great.  We spent a lot of days doing "nothing" or just tootling around town and exploring with the boys.  We traveled quite a bit and I finally got back into a serious reading groove.  It is such a blessing that Brian and I are both able to spend the entire summer "at home."

But I am a fool for routines and have been enjoying the last few weeks of getting back into a regular groove.

September is here.  It's more than ninety degrees out this afternoon.  But we've had a few nights of the temperatures dipping into the fifties.  I'm ready to embrace everything about autumn, including cooler weather.

I'm ready for my fall wardrobe (including sweaters!), soup and cornbread, trips to the apple orchard, a less-busy zoo (because the school aged kids are in school), a colorful leaf-collecting walk, cozying up under a quilt and making a few new quilts.

September is here.  I'm digging in my heels for a new round of this blogging thing.

Getting started has been difficult, this time.  I know how much time it takes and I know how little time I have.  I know what I'm getting into.

It keeps calling to me and my attempts to ignore it have proven futile.  I go through my days thinking, "I could blog about that" and so many things are asking to be shared.  For a while, I thought I could be content with sharing via Instagram, but it just isn't the same.

If one was trying to build a solid audience, one wouldn't continue to change platforms and restart their blog from scratch.  But here I am on round three of "grace and light" and back to using blogger with zero followers.  I have my reasons (and also hopes and plans for getting some new readers / convincing my previous readers to find me again), but eesh.  It's still a little scary.

If you are reading this, I'm glad you're here.  I'm ready to take on this blogging adventure, yet again.

VISIONING AND BLOGGING

On Sunday, I created a motivation slash inspiration slash vision board centered around my blogging life.  I worked on this project because my feelings about blogging have been very mixed and I wanted a degree of clarity. I wanted to take some time to process my thoughts and feelings and really just to remind myself of all of the positive things that come out of it.  

Most days, I blog for the joy of writing and sharing and for the fact that having something to share forces me to be organized in other parts of my life.  This post pretty well sums up all the good things that come out of being a lifestyle blogger.  

But I've found myself skipping posts on a somewhat regular basis lately and even daydreaming about what it would be like to not blog.  I don't really want to stop right now, but it is kind of nice to allow myself the little grass-is-always-greener fantasy about how much time I would have and all I could accomplish if I wasn't doing it.  

Looking a couple years into the future, I can see my blogging life taking a big turn.  Sam will be ready for full time school and I want and need to make that a higher priority than blogging.  I've been thinking about that and what that will look like - possibly blogging only a few days per week or maybe writing more about life as a homeschooling family - and I think that's part of what has thrown me off course in the last several weeks.  Sometimes I get (way) ahead of myself.

And on the other side of this giant "how I feel about my blog" coin, I've been in a good blogging groove.  Maybe I'm not posting every single day, but my posts are coming together much more easily than they have in the past and I am happy with the content that I've been sharing.  I've stopped blogging before and I've always come back to it.  It's my outlet on a thousand fronts and I feel a bit lost when I stop.  Basically, I want to live on this side of the coin.  

So, back to the vision board.  It's purpose is to remind me of the good and to motivate me to take the steps I need to take to keep it in the "plus" column of my life.  Following the same design template I used for the One Little Word vision board that I created in February, I used a magazine page as the background and glued my words on top of the image.  

These are the words that I included: Click. Smile. Share. Repeat.  Fewer excuses.  Step up your work.  Good and good for you.  Home.  Plan this.  Perseverance.  Dig a little deeper.  

One of the things that I really like about using magazines to create vision boards is that it forces me to work outside of my own head and doesn't really allow for much of a plan.  I wouldn't have chosen some of these words, but they seemed to choose me as I thumbed through the pages.  They feel like happy accidents, but I think it's more a case of viewing the words (and the meanings behind them) in light of the ideas that are already in my head. 

Just taking the time to sit down and think about my blog-related dreams and wishes was valuable.  It was time to reconsider why I blog, how I can make the blogging experience better - for both you and me and to remind myself of the payoff that comes at the other end of taking the time to get it done.

For now, my blogging board is sitting on my desk waiting for me to decide what to do with it.  It might find a home in my One Little Word book or it might get the pushpin treatment and hang above my desk for a while - until I get over this hump.     

WORKING FROM HOME - SIX MONTHS IN

I've been doing the full time mama thing for half a year, now.  

Along with being a full time mama, I'm juggling several side gigs and ambitions.  I titled this post "working from home," but I'm never quite sure if that is what I'm really doing or not.  

I'm putting in the time.  I'm blogging.  I'm building my workshop business.  I'm selling things in my shop.  I'm fulfilling my role on the Project Life Creative Team.  I'm committed to all of these things and I'm not doing any of it "just for fun."  

Still, I have trouble viewing this conglomeration of work-related activities as a "job."    

I want to get there.  I want to take all of this more seriously and to approach it with greater dedication and some degree of strategy.  But there is this giant issue looming.  It's called time management.

The idea of time management related to this non-job of mine is kind of a joke.  Some weeks I have it all together and other weeks are more like disasters.  There are too many variables.  There is too little structure.  The constants in my life are an almost-three-year-old and an almost-one-year-old.  Let's just say they are unpredictable.  

If I really want to be more committed to this creative career path, I need to build some hours of work time into my daily or weekly schedule.  Hours to work away from the house or, at least, away from the boys.  To be honest, I'm not sure if that's what I want.  I wanted to stay home with my kiddos because I wanted to spend more time with them.  I love that my variety of side gigs act as an outlet for my creative side and for all of the parts of me that are "me as me" vs. "me as mama."  But I also like that I can fit them into the minutes and occasional hours that I have available without taking away time from my role as mom.

On the flip side of all of this, I feel like I am continually getting better at all of my creative roles.  I feel like I have been more honest in my writing and shared more valuable content over the last six months than I have in previous months and years.  My Project Life pages feel happy and true to my design aesthetic.  Overall, things are just coming together a lot easier than they used to and feel like they are headed in the direction that I want them to go.  

Not only has my work improved over the past six months, but I have also become much more efficient.  Working among the chaos of life at home has forced me to figure out ways to get things done in the windows of time that are available.  

To sum this all up, "working from home" is going about as well as can be expected when one has their hands full with kids and isn't really sure how seriously she wants to take this "work" stuff anyway. 

THIS IS A LIFESTYLE BLOG

Standard blogging advice encourages bloggers to tailor their content to a pretty tight niche.  I recently worked through a blogging e-course that (once again) gave this advice.  The course included several lessons that were focused on finding your niche and developing content related to that single topic.  

Not for the first time, I fell for this advice.  I decided that my blog would be built around the topic of intentionality.   I changed my blog header.  I started a list of possible blog posts related to this topic.  I threw out any and all ideas that didn’t have a connection to intentionality. 

And then things began to fall apart.

My blogging momentum slowed and then stopped.  Everything that I came up with felt like it was forcing me to step away from my natural writing and inherent interests.  Writing about a specific niche topic was also pushing me into being an expert, which is something that I've taken strides to avoid. 

After a couple weeks of this, I came to my senses.   Yes, I am very interested in intentionality, but I’m not passionate enough about it to write about it day in and day out. 

I started thinking about the kinds of blogs and the kinds of posts that I most enjoy reading.  I considered which topics I was excited to write about and which types of posts fly off of my fingertips.  I looked back through my archives and considered which posts made me proud.

It didn’t take long for me to realize/remember that I am a lifestyle blogger. 

I love documenting my life and the life of my family.  I am motivated by goal setting and strive to live an intentional and joyful life.  Instagram is my social media love.  Pinterest is pretty great, too.  I live for making pretty things and making things pretty.  I am intrigued by blogging and blogging as part of a small business.  I am thrilled to have the opportunity to stay home with my kiddos.  Brainstorming and making lists make me happy.  I have a thing for spreadsheets and a long-held interest in personal finance.  I thrive on successfully doing things in my own way.  I love my hubby, my sweet little boys and the life we are building together. 

These are the things I write about. 

My blog may not have strong search engine optimization.  It may not appeal to someone looking for in depth information on a specific topic.  But it’s mine.    

So in the end, my focused niche is me.  All potential blog topics are filtered by their relevance to me and my life.  They are further filtered by my willingness to share and my enthusiasm about the topic.  If I sit down to write something and the words don’t flow, it probably isn’t a good fit and it probably won’t be showing up in your RSS feed. 

STEPPING BACK

Before Eli was born, I decided to give myself six weeks off from blogging after his birth.  I didn't want to feel pressured to create, edit and write while I was still adjusting to a new phase of life.  I also didn't want blogging to take over time that should be spent focusing on my new little guy and his big brother.

The six weeks passed and I enthusiastically jumped back into the blogging game.  The boys still needed me, of course, but I was also ready to give myself a bit of my own time.  Blogging - and the associated creating, editing and writing - equals enjoyable and fulfilling "me time" in my book. 

I remember feeling really proud of myself, a few weeks later, when I was successfully keeping up with my mama and wife duties along with sharing here at grace and light.  I thought that part - the part with Eli still being so little - was the tough part and I was surprised that it all pulled together pretty organically.  It didn't always come easily, but I took on the challenging days with my competitive nature and happily kept things going. 

Well, my friends, I was wrong.  The tough part is now.

I've been struggling to post even a few times per week.  I have a lot to say and not enough time in which to say it.  I could carve out the time, but it would mean fewer (of the already too rare) moments would be spent with my little guys.  And time with them is the point of it all in this season of life. 

My full-time employment is coming to an end in just over a month.  I've decided to cut myself some slack between now and then.  Starting August 11, I will be back with something to share each Monday through Friday.  Until then, I will just be popping in as I have time. 

THE MAGIC OF WRITING YOUR THOUGHTS

I have a friend that has agreed to be my blogging/business buddy. 

We made this agreement a couple months ago, with the idea of writing to one another when we were stuck.  I would write to her if I needed help moving forward on a project.  I would write to her with a half-plan that needed a bit of feedback.  I would write to her when I needed another perspective.  I would write to her for input or to give her two differing ideas to see if one seemed like the “right choice” to her.  And, of course, she would write to me with the same types of concerns. 

We have indeed written to one another.  We have offered each other opinions on a few small matters. 

But the majority of the emails I have written to her have not been sent.

What happens instead is that as I explain my dilemma and the available decisions that I see regarding the situation, I write out my own solution. 

I don’t think this would necessarily happen if we were having a verbal conversation.  I am less articulate in my speech than in my writing.  Writing allows me time to think about the best way to explain a situation.  It also allows me to edit and to edit my edits until things are written out as plainly as I can make them.  Once the ideas and options are out of my spinning head and in black and white in front of me, the path forward is almost always obvious.

So, Miss Natalie, thank you.  Our buddy system is serving me well.

(And, if you’re stuck, might I recommend writing it all down as if explaining it to a friend?)

MY MATERNITY LEAVE (OR, I'M BACK!)

I have so appreciated the last five weeks. Time to concentrate on loving my boys is paramount to all else. 

It has been a time of transition, for sure.  But, our new little family of four is making it.  Day by day.

Taking a break from blogging was a necessity as we spent the first few weeks in utter survival mode.  Slowly, slowly I am back to feeling more like my regular self.  The surgery and recovery took a pretty big toll on my body.  Five weeks out, the physical difficulties are largely past and those that remain are due more to lack of sleep than post-surgical recovery.  

Oh, the lack of sleep.  I know that some people can function quite well on little sleep.  I am not one of them.  It has been rough.  I can't even begin to express how thankful I am to our parents and sisters for helping us out these past several weeks.  I don't think we could've made it through without them. 

Unlike my last maternity leave,this time I found myself quickly ready to reengage in the world outside my living room. I have been enjoying keeping up with social media and have been anxious to get back to all of my various projects.  Not to say that I haven't been enjoying my Eli time, but just that the mental transition was much easier this time around. For that, I am grateful.

And though I have been anxious to get back to all of my "me" projects, finding any time to actually do them has proven very difficult.  As it turns out, newborns and two year old's demand a lot of attention.  Who knew? 

Despite all of this, I am back.  Or maybe, because of all of this, I am back.  I am back and I am full of dreams and schemes both old and new.  It is time to push through the million and one barriers and (more often) excuses and get moving again. 

Thanks for sticking with me and please forgive any hiccups in the next several weeks as I work my way into the world, once more. 

OUR OFFICE

We ordered our desk (the Linnmon/Alex combo) in late December, along with a bunch of other IKEA goods.  Everything else arrived before Christmas, but our desk was out of stock. 

We waited.  Perhaps a bit anxiously, on my part.

Last Friday, I received an email to inform me that our desk was in.  Brian picked it up that night and on Saturday morning we put it all together. 

Our pre-this-desk office had zilch for storage space.  Those two sets of drawers are rockin' my world.  Also, I've never had a set place to blog.  I would just move my laptop with me from place to place around the house.  A dedicated space is pretty nice. 

I invested in some pretty word art to go along with my One Little Word for 2014.  The designs are by Belinda of Poppy Loves to Groove and I printed them as 12x12 photos through Persnickety Prints. 

I'm really looking forward to having and using this space that can be dedicated to all my projects.  

STRUCTURED FREEDOM

One thing that blogging has taught me is how much I need (and thrive on) structured freedom.  It sounds a bit oxymoronic, but I have learned that I need both framework and flexibility to live well. 

As a lifestyle blogger, I have the freedom to write about all things "me."  That is a pretty awesome freedom that most niche bloggers don't get to exercise and I think it fits me well.  I don't easily fit into a box and I appreciate the freedom to share everything from my favorite breakfasts to my big fears and still have a place to share my crafting adventures.  Still, I need a plan to post every week day or I will end up neglecting this space all together. 

I am happiest when I am working on multiple endeavors and projects all at once and can see real progress on at least a few of them.  I love dreaming up new ideas and spending my time on creative projects, but I often need to set a deadline for their completion or they will linger somewhere between the "idea" phase and the "completed" phase, indefinitely. 

Essentially, grace and light is my structure.  Posting to the blog is both an obligation and a natural deadline.  It encourages me to move forward on my various projects.  It encourages me to keep entertaining new ideas and to push myself creatively. 

Having the blog (and you at the other end of it) helps me to stay motivated and encourages me to dream new dreams.  

HOW BLOGGING HAS CHANGED MY LIFE

I published my first ever blog post in August of 2005.  Eight years later, I'm still at it.

Last fall, I decided that I wanted to start fresh.  I wanted a blank slate and I wanted to make a customized space that really felt like my own.  This is the sixth or seventh blog that I have started, but it is the first one that feels right.  It is the first one that feels like a true reflection of me (or at least my good parts).

I was aware of Typepad before I started using it because I already read a few blogs that used the Typepad platform.  I shopped around a bit for a blogging platform and just kept coming back to Typepad.  I am thankful that I did. 

It has been a good fit for me and for Grace and Light.  Grace and Light has become my virtual living room.  I feel comfortable here.  The design process wasn't easy-peasy, but it was straight forward and designing it myself made it mine. 

Before Typepad, I had never paid hosting fees.  I don't part easily with my dollars, but I really haven't minded spending money for the Typepad service.  Knowing that I am putting money into this pursuit makes me accountable.  It encourages me to write to the best of my abilities and encourages me to keep at it day in and day out.  I think it was just the push that I needed to help me consider myself a "real" blogger.

Now that I am here, almost seven months into my "serious" blogging journey, I couldn't be happier.  Blogging has changed my life. 

Blogging pushes me to look for beauty in the moments of my life.  

I find myself looking at life with an editor's eye.  While this sometimes means that I turn a blind eye to (or at least omit from my blog posts) the less "pretty" bits of life, it also means that I am particularly sensitive to all of the wonderful blessings that surround me.

Blogging encourages me to be a self examiner.  

It feels a bit like therapy (or what I imagine therapy would feel like).  I write a lifestyle blog and that means that I get to dole out little pieces of my life on a daily basis.  Every day I consider what to share. 

What's better than big doses of self examination?  Turning them into presentable pieces of writing.  It is one thing to take time for reflection and quite another to put those reflections into words.  It is a process that I am still learning, but I feel like it is taking me somewhere.  Somewhere good.

Blogging motivates me to get things done.  

The desire for valuable content encourages me to move forward in my various projects every single day.  I am 100% positive that I have been more productive in the last seven months than ever before. 

Blogging has opened me to sharing my heart.  

I always want to write beautiful, well-written pieces, but posting something every weekday doesn't always make that possible.  I may have a misspelling here or there (and I know that I use commas way more than I am supposed to), but I think that sharing my thoughts and writing what's in my heart is more important than a perfectly polished piece.

Blogging is a bridge to other people. 

As I write, others read.  There are days when I am scared to hit the "Publish" button.  Often, though, those are the posts that bring the most commentary.  It is good to know that I am not alone in my thoughts.  I am only seven months into this project, but already I love the people that I have met through Grace and Light and I love that this space has helped me to have deeper conversations with friends and family, too.

Today and every day, I am thankful for my blog.