LIFE CHECK IN: JAN-MAR 2018

For the past several years, I've chosen a guiding word to lead me through the year and give myself a lens through which to filter decisions.  I decided to take a break from this method in 2018.  Instead, I  made a fairly ambitious list of goals to work on throughout the year.  I've also kept myself accountable for reviewing those goals and my progress on a weekly basis. 

I'd say it's likely that I will move back toward choosing a word in future years.  I think it is a worthy method and there have been years when it has really shaped my actions and changed the way I've thought about my life.  It has also added a sort of emotional layer to my goals - a reason why specific goals are chosen and why they are worth my time. 

But for now, I feel pretty steady where I stand.  I know that staying true to myself and my values is important for my emotional well being - and I feel like I have a pretty good handle on all that.  Plus, a single word still hasn't jumped out at me.  So, I'm good with my beginning-of-the-year decision to skip the guiding word. 

With all that said, let's take a peek and see where things stand at the end of the first quarter of the year. 

Goals / 

As far as goals go, I'm happy with my progress thus far and I feel like the goals I've chosen to continue working on are still deserving of my time.

As of today, I have:

• read 20 books. (Annual goal: 52) 
• two of those books were spiritual. (Annual goal: 4)
• finished one sewing project, started a second sewing project and have plans for a third. (Annual goal: 5)
• completed 14 Project Life weekly layouts.  (Annual goal: 52)
• created and printed several pages for the kids' scrapboooks, set up a system for photographing their artwork, papers and projects (Goal: buy an album for each kiddo and update regularly)
• made plans to complete a Week In The Life album using the Project Life App in May (Goal: start and complete the album and print multiple copies so the kids can each have one.)

Life / 

Things are okay in my world.  These first three months of the year have been a mix of good days and days when I feel like I'm just reacting to what's in front of me. 

I've been getting more sleep and more consistent sleep (fewer middle of the night wake ups) than I've had in many years.  It's been really quite wonderful. 

I created and started using a "Rule of Six" to help keep our family life in line with our values.  I think it very well may be the best thing I've done as a parent.  It is amazingly rewarding to know that the small things we are doing on a daily and weekly basis are aligned with our long term goals and hopes.  (I promise to write a post about this in the near future.)

On the other hand, I've done very, very little exercise.  Bleh.  After another good stretch of feeling accountable to my Fitbit, I've fallen back off that bandwagon and haven't even been meeting my step goal.  And to go along with the lack of exercise, I've spent a lot of evenings sleeping on the couch.  As the evening winds down, I think I'm going to accomplish a project or two after the kids are in bed.  Then we get them to bed and I just fall onto the couch and stay there until Brian wakes me up to go to bed. 

And my big emotional weight of the moment is not knowing what's ahead for Eli and school.  There is a big homeschool or public school debate going on in my head and heart with a lot of factors that need to be considered.  We still have a year before we have to make a decision, but I find myself worrying about this all the time.  And I know that I just need to give this worrying up and pray, but I keep not doing that.  

So.  I'll take all this in from the glass-half-full point of few and recognize that I need to make a few changes and get to work implementing them.  

Cheers, friends.  I hope that life is good in your neck of the woods. 

Image: I created a vision board of sorts using Canva and printed it as an 8x10 photo print.    

SEASONAL LISTS: ONE WAY I AM NURTURING

 

My big goal for 2017 has been to embrace the idea of nurturing and put it into practice in my daily life.  To me, this means finding time and putting energy into the important, while letting less significant things fall to the wayside.  

This, of course, means many things and relates to a lot of different areas of my life.  But one of the action items that I've really grown to love is making seasonal to do lists for our family.   This isn't a new idea for us.  We've done this in previous years, but not quite as intentionally as we have this year.  Putting in the time to plan well has really paid off and we will definitely keep making quarterly/seasonal lists as time marches forward.  

Three things that are different this time around:

1 / Not including all of our ideas.

I particularly remember a summer list we made about three years ago that included all. the. things.  It was really more like a list of ideas than a list of things we intended to accomplish.  

It made me feel like we weren't doing enough and also like we had to do something at every opportunity we found.   The list was too broad and included too many ideas of varying degrees of importance, so it wasn't clear which things were our priorities.  

This year, we've narrowed our lists down to the things we would regret if we failed to do them.

2 / Including things that we would probably do even if they weren't on the list.

These are the things that have become annual traditions in our family and is (sort of) the opposite of the last point.  

I like to include the things the boys would tell you we "always do."  Even though they would likely get done without being on the list, having them on the list gives us something fun to look forward to and highlights their importance.  

It also helps me remember to do the next thing, which is...

3 / Penciling things into the calendar.

This step is critical.  Our weekends fill up fast and a lot of activities just don't fit into our week night routines.  So, as often and as early as possible, I get things on the calendar.  This insures that we have a time and a plan for getting it all done.  

4 / Keeping a running list of ideas.  

I have a page in my planner to just keep various ideas as I run across them.  It is nice to have a single place to keep the ideas and also serves as a great reference point as Brian and I look ahead at each season.  

5 / Scheduling in a date for Brian and me. 

We just figured this out with our fall / early winter list, but this totally needs to go on every seasonal list that we make.  I wish it easily happened more than four times a year, but we'll take what we can get - and afford.

- - - - - 

Our complete "fall" list includes:

1/ Zoo trip (using the train passes we received from the library summer reading program)

2 / Zoo trip (with our church community)

3 / Bowling followed by lunch at Red Robin

4 / Apple orchard visit

5 / Pumpkin patch visit

6 / Anniversary picnic

7 / Christmas Eve morning pancakes

8 / Christmas Eve party

9 / Miniature golf

10 / Paint Yourself Silly visit

11 / Carve pumpkins

12 / Ashland football game

13 / Husker band

14 / Harvest with grandpa

15 / Date for B and b

One thing we have not figured out - or really just not made time for - is for Brian and I to take the kids on individual outings.  We've been talking about this for a long time, but have yet to make it happen.  ...adding that to my "idea page" now,  so we can schedule it into our winter/early spring calendar.  

If you do seasonal family activity lists, do you have any pointers or great ideas that I've left off my list?  

A NEW PHASE / FAMILY PHOTOS

This is the last week of our usual, school year routine - with Brian at school and Sam home with us in the mornings, but spending the afternoons at preschool.

We are moving into a new phase in our family.

In my head, I'm calling it "the beginning of the end of the baby and toddler phase."  I think we're actually a ways past that.  Sam hasn't been a toddler for a while. Eli often talks and acts like he is seven, even though he is only three.  Basically, I think we are in between phases, now.  But, I'm sticking with this "beginning of the end" title because I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to these years of all my "babies" spending so much time at home with me.

As always seems to be the case, these years have gone by so slowly and so quickly.  It feels like it has been FOREVER since I worked full time.  (I honestly can't even imagine working a full time schedule and also having three kids.  All you working moms, have me amazed.)  I can hardly remember what it was like to have only one kiddo or to do all of the "mom things" for the first time.  But, it also doesn't seem so long ago that Sam was two and Eli was a baby and now, somehow, they are five and three - with a baby sister toddling behind them.

And yes, I realize this is all sort of melodramatic.  I know Maggie is still a baby for a few more months and will be home with me still for the next several years.  It just feels like a big shift is heading our way and I'm trying to prepare myself.

So, I am more than a little thankful that we recently had our family photos taken in a way that feels like it really captures THIS stage.  This in between stage.

A few weeks ago, we had Misty Prochaska join us for a Saturday morning and she took documentary style photos of our morning.  She did well.  And she was a joy to spend time with.  All photos in this post are hers and she also did a post on her site with more images.

If you happen to be local to Lincoln, I would highly recommend her.  

I'm not committed to this yet (in other words, plans are likely to change), but I am considering using the photos plus some in-depth text to make photo books that document this current stage.  I like the idea of creating a digital book (versus my usual paper and printed photo albums) because I could easily have four copies created - one for Brian and me and one for each of the kids.

I have tried to do Week In The Life albums several times in the last couple years, but have yet to pull one off.  I think these images could be a great jumping off point for adding text about our everyday life that would sort of fill the same role as a Week In The Life album.

Thanks again to Misty.  Like big, big thanks.

AROUND HERE

We are in the midst of sickness round (feels like) 27 for the season.  Poor Sam got the brunt of it, this time around.  He still seemed pretty lethargic this morning, but totally rallied when I mentioned that I needed to call school and the bus to tell them he wouldn't be there today.  He kept down his breakfast (and it had been more than 24 hours since the last time he got sick), so I let him go.

We had planned to visit Brian's parents this weekend - driving after Brian got home from work tonight and heading home after lunch on Sunday.  Alas, the sickness has ruined those plans and we are all bummed.  Now, I'm just crossing my fingers that we will all be well enough for Brian and I to attend my work (belated) holiday get together on Sunday evening.

. . . . . . .

I signed up for the Lincoln Marathon along with Brian, my sister and her fiance.  Our plan is to walk the half marathon together.  April and I walked it in 2013 and averaged 14:38 miles, finishing in 3 hours and 11 minutes.  I would love to match or beat that time.  We haven't officially started training yet, but I feel like I am in significantly better shape at this starting point than I was four years ago.  Which is grand.  But, I have a feeling, that finding time to get those long training walks accomplished will be harder this time around.  We will see.

In previous years, this marathon has sold out in a matter of hours.  Registration opened, in the middle of the night, while I was visiting April in Seattle.  So, we set our alarms and woke up at 2am to register.  And now a couple weeks have passed and it still hasn't sold out.  Oh well.  We were prepared.  Ha!

. . . . . . .

Sam and Eli are crazy reluctant to watch anything new on the TV and are also very easily spooked by anything they deem "scary."  They've only seen a handful of movies and almost always say "no" when asked if they want to watch one - whether it is new to them or not.

So, we finally convinced them to watch Finding Nemo a week or two ago.  We only made it about five minutes into the movie at which point they were both begging us to turn off the TV.  What is wrong with our children?!? It makes me both laugh and also kind of want to cry.

We tried explaining the entire plot of the movie and let them know that it has a happy ending when Nemo's daddy finds him, but they aren't having it.  ...someday.  And even though they only watched five minutes, Nemo has been a big topic of conversation around here.

. . . . . . .

The boys' birthdays are coming up in February and March and that's the big talk around here.  They are so excited.  Along with family parties, we are planning to go to Chuck E. Cheese on the night of Sam's birthday and to visit an indoor waterpark over the weekend between their birthdays.  These will both be new experiences for them, so they don't really know what to expect, but they are excited.  We need to figure out one other small outing for the actual day of Eli's birthday, but I think we will wait until closer to the day to decide that one.

. . . . . . .

Wishing you a happy and healthy weekend!

WISHING FOR ROUTINE

The past thirty days have been anything but typical.  A little shake up is okay every now and then, but I'm more than ready to settle back into a routine.

Brian and Sam started their Christmas breaks from school on the 22nd and 23rd of December, respectively.  

Since then:

• I have spent nine nights away from home (sleeping).
• I pulled an all-nighter at home - with kids awake for various reasons all through the night.
• I have worked two night shifts.  I was technically also away from home these nights, but I was awake.
• We hosted a Christmas Eve "Minute To Win It" party.
• I said farewell to my last living grandpa.  
• Brian had two unplanned days off of school due to ice.
• Sam had one unplanned day off of school due to ice.  
• I have packed a lot of suitcases - my own, plus the kids', times several trips. 
• I have spent a lot of time with my sister - both in Lincoln and Seattle.  
• I have spent four nights away from Brian, Sam and Eli (in Seattle).
• We have been working on getting Maggie to sleep through the night.  (This means a lot of time listening to a baby cry in the middle of the night and praying that she will go to sleep and also not wake up her brothers.)

Plus, we did the holidays.  Which were great, but a far cry from typical life, you know?

So, I'm standing here, looking ahead at the next several months and just hoping to settle back into a rhythm.  I think it's ahead.  Maybe it's even arrived.  Crossing my fingers.  

CURRENTLY

Getting used to the school year schedule.  Brian has been back to school for a couple weeks and Sam started preschool on the 18th.  He goes Monday through Friday from noon to four.  I like having a more regular rhythm and routine, but it always takes a while to adjust to new schedules.

Sleeping very irregularly - and the baby is not to blame.  Most nights she wakes up once between 8pm and 5am.  And, once a week or so, she even sleeps through that feeding.  But those big brothers of hers are giving me a run for my money.  We recently had our first experience dealing with bad dreams and the boys have just been very needy about wanting one or the other to snuggle with them while they fall asleep.

Enjoying writing and sharing my thoughts here, again.  I've had several posts in draft form for many months.  In my bits and pieces of free time, this week, I've been editing and have several almost ready to publish.  It's nice to finally take the time to do something just for myself and just for fun.

Loving listening to the boys converse with one another.  This is still new enough that I often stop whatever I am doing to hear what they have to say to each other.  It's usually pretty amusing.

Reading in fits and starts.  I use the Kindle App on my phone to read while I nurse - except that if I'm not engrossed in the middle of a book, I find myself browsing the internet instead of reading.  I've read a lot of good books in the past few months, but every time I finish a book, I find it challenging to get into the next one.

Thankful that nursing is going so well.  Following a few weeks of OUCH at the beginning, all is well.  I had decided before Maggie was born, that if I had to pump I would only do so for a couple months and then let it go and use formula without guilt.  And I would have - because I don't know how or why I was crazy enough to pump exclusively for Sam for eight long months - but I am thankful that instead I can just nurse her.

(If you are a breastfeeding mama that is pumping more power (and energy) to you, but I decided that doing so just wouldn't fit with my life right now.)

So glad that I started "Morning School" with the boys a couple weeks ago.  It is our version of a mini homeschool preschool.  They are excited for it every day, often ask to do it more than once and even "played Morning School" over the weekend.  I am documenting our homeschool preschool adventures on this Instagram account, if you are interested in following along.

Looking forward to a visit from my mom and step-dad.  Their plane gets in late tonight!  

DAILY CHECKLISTS

I've created and used daily checklists several times in the three and a half years since becoming a mama.  I'm sure they would have been helpful in my pre-mamahood days, too but I had quite a bit of disposable time in those days and rarely fought to fit in the things that I needed or wanted to accomplish.

After a several month hiatus, I started a new checklist in August.  As always seems to be the case, my daily checklist included a mixture of self-care items, household chores and things that I like to do daily just to help me feel like an accomplished human being.  I wrote more about my big goals for a daily checklist in this post.

There are two big differences between this list and ones that I've created in the past.

1.  Checklists are recreated monthly.  

In the past, I would type up a list and print several copies with the plan to use it indefinitely.  This didn't leave room for new, short term projects or for changes in priorities.

For each of the past three months, I have written a new checklist at the beginning of the month.  While many things remain the same from month to month, I've also added and removed or altered a few things each month to keep the checklist relevant.

2.  Checklists are made and kept inside my daily planner.    

This one simple change has helped me to stay on track more consistently than I have in the past.  Previously, my checklist would be on a separate piece of paper that could (and would) easily get lost in the paper shuffle around the house.

Now that I have it in the same place as all of my other daily and weekly planning - in a book that I use for several purposes each day - it is difficult to ignore or forget and hard to misplace.

This month's list includes flossing, taking my vitamin, making my bed, putting the dishes away in the morning, putting the laundry away in the morning, doing a daily devotion, having a plan for dinner (which usually reminds me to set out meat to thaw or other prep steps to take early in the day), getting Brian's coffee ready for the next morning, running a load of laundry before bed, starting the dishwasher before bed and making some sort of forward progress on the blog.

Other things that have been included in the past couple months: reading, writing, 10,000 step goal, making progress on the blog move.

- - - - -

My list is set up in a general morning to night order.  On days when I am on my game, I have the first seven or eight things done by mid-morning.  The last few usually aren't accomplished until just before bed.

I use Get To Work Book as my planner / calendar.  I have the July 2015 to June 2016 edition which is no longer in stock, but the January to December 2016 edition is currently shipping.

SLEEP - A YEAR LATER

One year ago, I wrote a letter to my boys pleading with them to allow me some time to sleep.

If I were to write them a similar, sleep-related letter today it would be much shorter.  In fact, I think I could sum it up in two simple words, "Thank you."

Oh, we are far from the sleep-happy days that existed before parenthood.  But.  And it's a big but.  We are also far from the sleep-disaster of one year ago.

Considering that I am a mama to a one year old and a three year old, I'd say we're doing pretty darn well.

Our usual pattern looks something like this:

Eli goes to bed around 8pm.

We read him two or three books, say prayers, give him lots of kisses and squeezes and set him in his crib with a few stuffed animals, his "night-night's" (small pieces of knit fabric with binding around their edges) and a sippy cup of water.  His animals give him a few more "kisses" and then we tell him how much we love him and close the door on our way out.  We put him down wide awake and he falls asleep on his own.

He sleeps until somewhere between 5:30am and 7:30am - probably averaging right at 6:30am.

He naps for two to three hours most afternoons - something like 1pm-3:30pm - and we follow a pre-nap routine that is very similar to his pre-bed routine.

Sam goes to bed around 8pm.

We usually do a puzzle or play a game together in the half hour or so leading up to bed time - with jammies already on and the understanding that after the activity we will be going into his room for bed time.  He "reads" me a book from memory while I snuggle next to him on the bed.  I climb out of his bed and sit beside him while he says his prayers and then I hold his hand until he falls asleep.  It usually only takes two to three minutes for him to fall asleep.

He wakes up anywhere between 4am and 6:30am - averaging about 5:15am.

He does not nap and it is for the best that he doesn't.  If he is sick or wakes up at 4am and falls asleep in the afternoon, he tends to fight bedtime until 10pm or later and that makes me a crabby mess.

Eli doesn't care who puts him down.  Sam wants me and only me  Every time.  He is almost mean to Brian about even being in the room, unless I am not home, in which case he puts up with Brian because he doesn't have a choice.

The most common exceptions:

Sam comes into our room in the middle of the night one out of every three nights (or  so) and wants to sleep with us.  We let him climb in until he falls back asleep and then one of us carries him back to his bed.  Sometimes this takes all of ten minutes, other nights he wiggles around in our bed for an hour or more before he falls back asleep.

Eli has random nights of middle of the night crying, but this is pretty rare - maybe once every two or three weeks.  I go in his room, check to make sure he doesn't need his diaper changed and then hold him / walk around his room while I count to sixty in my head.  After the minute is up, I put him back in bed and leave the room.  Often, that's all it takes.  Sometimes, he goes back to crying when I leave.  If so, I wait a full ten minutes and then go back for another minute of holding / walking around.  And we continue that pattern for a while or until I give up.

Giving up equals holding him in the rocking chair and letting him fall asleep on me - which happened one day a week or so ago, but hadn't happened for many months before that.

- - - - -

My biggest frustration is still the early mornings with Sam.  I love having some quiet time to myself in the mornings before I have to move into my mama role.  I usually get up right around five, so some mornings I manage the quiet times and other mornings not - just depending on how late he sleeps.

It's been a while, but at some point we tried moving his bed time later to see if it would help him to sleep in.  It didn't.  He got up at the same time, but was just more tired from fewer hours of sleep.

In the big scheme of things, I'm really happy with where we are sleep-wise.  It isn't perfect, but I am actually getting many consecutive hours most nights of the week and this makes for a happy brooke.

PS: If you're interested in toddler sleep posts, Kathleen has written a few about her family's sleep situation recently.  Here and here.  

Photo: Shutterfly offered a coupon code for free 8x8 books, a few weeks back.  I downloaded their app, synced it with Instagram and chose the 20 most recent photos in my Instagram account that included both Sam and Eli.  The book is tucked away on a top shelf and will be a Christmas gift for them.   

ONE YEAR OF STAYING HOME

I have been a stay at home mama for a year now.  The official anniversary was August 11th.  So it has actually been a year and a month.

One of the biggest blessings that I had in taking this leap into a big life change was my previous work schedule.  From 2004 to August of 2015, I worked a full time schedule in just three work days each week.  (Twelve hour shifts made this happy feat possible.)  Every week, I had four days of "at home" time that gave me a  pretty good preview of what life would be like as a full time stay at home mom. Without this sneak peek, I think I would have been in for a pretty rude awakening.

Even with a general understanding of what to expect, the first several months seemed pretty weird as I looked at the calendar and was confronted with a lot of open space ahead of me.  It felt sort of like those first few months after college when I wondered how I would spend my free time without any homework or studying to do in the evenings.

For the most part, an open schedule just feels nice now.  Just like I filled my free time without homework, I seem to have filled my "free time" without work.  Every now and then, when Brian is grading papers or planning for the next day's classes, I get this guilty feeling about not having similar commitments.  But then, there are too many hours when the opposite end of the spectrum - the fact that I never get to leave work - is all I can see.

Delineating responsibilities and expectations is a big part of making this situation work in our house - to keep things running and to maintain our marriage.

It's something that I hadn't thought a lot about  when we were both still working full time. At that point, it was just an all out scramble to get done what we could get done when we could fit it in.  There were chores that generally fell to each of us, but we were pretty much just in a constant battle to stay one step ahead of the house and the kids.

Since I've been home, I've tried to take on a majority (although certainly not all) of the household chores, upkeep and errands.  I feel like those things are a part of my "job."  When I'm in the right frame of mind, I remember that doing as many of these things as I can during the hours Brian is at work means that we can have more fun and focused time together - and just be more generally relaxed - when he is home.

I am usually pretty cool with this idea on week days and attempt to have a few extra things done by Friday afternoon to help us both have a break on Saturday.  But, by Sunday afternoon, I often find myself a bit grumpy due to the "never ending" aspect of my job and the fact that I don't really get a weekend.  It's something I need to work on.

In reality, Brian still does a ton around the house (weekend or otherwise), but I've just taken on a bit more than I used to.  The biggest thing he takes care of is the yard, which requires a couple hours every week from April to November and I am HUGELY grateful for that.

Overall, the boys and I have a really nice rhythm to our days.  I feel like I've really grown and relaxed into this pace of life.  We generally leave the house for a few hours every morning, go home in time for lunch, Eli naps while Sam and I hang out together (and he often has some screen time), we have a snack, get dinner going and then it's about time for Brian to get home.  In between, we read (and read, and read) and I sneak in ten minute sessions of time for my own projects or getting the house in order.

One of the biggest changes of the past year is that Sam no longer naps.  For the first several months of my stay-at-home adventure, both of the kids napped.  Rarely were their naps perfectly aligned to allow me more than half an hour or so to myself, but at least I would only have one kid to chase/entertain/feed/diaper/everything else at a time.  And every now and then, I would get a full hour or two to myself in the early afternoon.  It was my time to do with as I pleased.  It was heavenly.

Now, Sam almost never naps (and hasn't since January).  For a while, I loved the days when he would randomly fall asleep mid-afternoon.  But the tables have turned and I really dislike those days now because it means he will be up and full of energy all evening - when I am pooped.  It took a while to get used to not getting those few moments to myself to truly relax, but I'm (sort of) there now.

I try to leave the house on my own at least once a week.  This is often a trip to the store, meeting my friend Liz to run, an evening at book club or a trip to the coffee shop.  Whatever it is - it always feels both weird and wonderful.

I do still work one weekend (twelve hour shifts both Saturday and Sunday) every couple months and over the summer I put in a few extra partial shifts to help fill in where they needed me.  I enjoy these weekends as time "away" from the boys and my responsibilities, but am glad that I don't work more often than I do.  

Not every day is pretty or idyllic.  My kitchen floor is almost always sticky.  We have a lot less money than we would if I were working.

And still, it has been a good year.  I don't regret this in the least and plan to keep on keeping on.  Life as a stay at home mama is good for this mama.

PS: More posts about being a Stay At Home Mama - It's About the Why, Day One Week One, The First Month, A Letter from the Future, The Rhythm of Our Days

Photos: our morning teeth brushing routine, feeding "Leo the Paper Eating Lion" at the zoo - as we do at least once a week from April to October

SEPTEMBER IS HERE (AND SOME BLOGGING THOUGHTS)

September is here.  Brian has been back to school for a few weeks.  It is a new season and one that I've been anxiously awaiting.

I wouldn't change our summers for anything.  This one, in particular, was pretty great.  We spent a lot of days doing "nothing" or just tootling around town and exploring with the boys.  We traveled quite a bit and I finally got back into a serious reading groove.  It is such a blessing that Brian and I are both able to spend the entire summer "at home."

But I am a fool for routines and have been enjoying the last few weeks of getting back into a regular groove.

September is here.  It's more than ninety degrees out this afternoon.  But we've had a few nights of the temperatures dipping into the fifties.  I'm ready to embrace everything about autumn, including cooler weather.

I'm ready for my fall wardrobe (including sweaters!), soup and cornbread, trips to the apple orchard, a less-busy zoo (because the school aged kids are in school), a colorful leaf-collecting walk, cozying up under a quilt and making a few new quilts.

September is here.  I'm digging in my heels for a new round of this blogging thing.

Getting started has been difficult, this time.  I know how much time it takes and I know how little time I have.  I know what I'm getting into.

It keeps calling to me and my attempts to ignore it have proven futile.  I go through my days thinking, "I could blog about that" and so many things are asking to be shared.  For a while, I thought I could be content with sharing via Instagram, but it just isn't the same.

If one was trying to build a solid audience, one wouldn't continue to change platforms and restart their blog from scratch.  But here I am on round three of "grace and light" and back to using blogger with zero followers.  I have my reasons (and also hopes and plans for getting some new readers / convincing my previous readers to find me again), but eesh.  It's still a little scary.

If you are reading this, I'm glad you're here.  I'm ready to take on this blogging adventure, yet again.

BUDGETING - FUN MONEY

I've heard it called "pocket money" or "walking around money."  At our house, we call it "fun money."  It's the cash we budget each month to use for fun and incidental items.  And, it's the kind of budget buffer that makes budgeting possible, month after month.  

Brian and I are both natural savers.  We've never had issues with spending more than we make, but we haven't always lived on a written budget.  When I was a few month pregnant with Eli and we knew that I would switch from full-time employment to being a stay-at-home mama by the next fall, we decided to get serious about making our money work for us.  

In October of 2013, we started living off of Brian's income and banking all but daycare expenses from mine.  To make it work, we had to follow a written plan.  It took some lifestyle adjustment, but it also meant that we were able to ramp up our savings pretty quickly and (as a saver by nature) I loved seeing our account balances go up, up, up.

The sudden shift to a new level of discipline and a much tighter monthly allotment of money could have easily led to frustration and failure.  To give ourselves a bit of wiggle room and allow for some splurge-y items each month, we included a "fun money" category in our budget.

Our fun money budget is $160 each month.  Each of us get $80 in cash at the beginning of the month and it is ours to do with as we wish.  No need to keep receipts or document how it is spent.  No need to feel guilty buying a new book, going out for lunch with friends or buying a clothing item that is outside of the clothing budget.  This little bit of "fun" within our otherwise pretty tight budget does a lot to keep us on track.  

I used to feel guilty about any "extra" thing that I purchased and now I don't.  I am still pretty cautious about what I buy, though.  Eighty bucks really doesn't go that far over the course of a month, so I usually spend some time considering how much I want a just-for-fun item before making the purchase.  It is a good exercise in self control, while still allowing me to buy a few things here and there.  

It is also a relationship helper as it lets Brian and I buy things that are important to us individually, but not priorities for the family.  Without "fun money," I'm pretty sure I would be more begrudging about the money that Brian donates to political candidates.  He would probably feel the same way about the sometimes exorbitant amount that I spend on scrapbook products.

Right now, $15 of my monthly fun money goes to my Happy Mail subscription.  The rest of it usually gets spent on a meal or two out with friends, books or crafting supplies.  

And, I almost always have some left over at the end of the month.  I squirrel that away for a potential future bigger want.  Yesterday, I dug through my leftover fund and pulled out money to buy Elise's Get To Work Book.  I had been telling myself I didn't need it ever since I learned the price, but then I caved.  I counted the money in my extra fund, had plenty and really didn't have anything else that I was planning to purchase with that money.  So I went for it.   

Without our "fun money" buffer, I think we would have a much harder time sticking with our budget.  It is hard to be responsible day after day and month after month.  I sometimes hear people who diet talk about having a weekly "cheat meal."  The concept is the same.  It's an outlet for a bit of fun within the more disciplined framework.  I need that.  

I've mentioned before that I am thankful for our budget.  That is 100% true and the "fun money" category is definitely my favorite part.  

TIME FOR ALL OF IT

The other day, I had half an hour to myself and thought it sounded nice to just write.  Not for a blog post or really for any purpose other than just to get my thoughts and feelings onto paper.

The first sentence that fell on my paper was this, "I am dreaming of having time to write and reflect."  

I rounded out a nice long paragraph with all the things I dreamed of having time to do.  I wished for date nights with Brian, giggling and snuggling and book reading with the boys, going out (or staying in) with my girlfriends, hibernating under a blanket with a novel in my hand and hot chocolate by my side, scrapbooking, writing, photographing and doing other blog related projects, taking walks around the neighborhood and crawling into bed at 8pm with no need to get up until morning.

I didn't see it until I had it all written down.  But, of course.  I do have time for all these things.  In fact, with the exception of the part about sleeping, these are the very things that make up my life.    

I just don't have a lot of time for most of them or, at least, not a lot of consecutive time.  But that is just part of this phase of life.  

Now that I've had this epiphany, I need to remember it and I also need to keep in mind that I can really only do one thing at a time.  No matter what's going on in my life, I have this tendency to think of everything else I "should be" doing.  I feel guilty for not spending time with the kids as I am working on a blog post.  Or, I feel guilty about neglecting housework when I am playing with Brian and the boys.  And, so on.  Again, this is just a part of life and, particularly, this phase of life.  

In the end, it's about realizing that I can't have all the time I want for everything I want, but that I can and should appreciate the time that is available.  I need to work on being present in the individual moments.

TWENTY FOURTEEN

This is what I hope to remember about 2014:

Welcoming the new year with energy for new projects and anticipation of all that was to come.  

Anticipating the arrival of Baby Two and the transition from working mama to staying-home mama.  My last few precious months as a mama to Sam and only Sam.  Belly kicks.  And, at the beginning of March, the arrival of our sweet Elijah.

Undiluted awe of our new little guy's existence and trying to comprehend the love and responsibility that came with him.  

Gratitude for our family and the hours of loving care that they gave to us as we adjusted to parenthood with a two year old and a newborn.  

An evening at the winery with Brian.  Celebrating four years of marriage and finding it hard to believe all that has changed and all that has stayed the same in those four short years.  

A summer filled with zoo trips, library story times, picnics and Eli napping in Brian's arms.  Sam's enthusiasm for cows, bridges, the alphabet, elevators, "schwimmin'" and trains.  

Bittersweet goodbyes to my work-home and work-family of the last ten years.  

Vast amounts of time and unknowns ahead of me as a full time mama.  A huge reprieve from daily stress.  Small adventures with the boys.  Seeing the world anew through their eyes.  Appreciating rare quiet hours and even rarer moments of a toy-free living room floor. 

Renewed joy in our evenings together at the end of Brian's basketball season.

Sam's excitement about presents and Santa and Jesus' birthday.  Watching Eli grow so quickly out of his babyhood.  Observing little glimmers of the boys' future relationship with one another.

Early mornings all together.  Playing, reading, laughing.  

- - - - - - 

2014 has been filled with more blessings than we can count, a few giant (and wonderful) milestones and thousands of less memorable moments that all add up to one wonderful year.  

ORGANIZING, RIGHT NOW

I scheduled today's post back in August.  At that time, I was religiously using my daily checklist and thought it would be good to check in on my organizing system every few months - to see how it developed and to see which things continued to work.

So, here we are.  I seriously thought about pushing back the publish date because I don't feel like I have any awesome organizing "systems" working in my favor just now.  But, in the name of keeping things real, I decided to share how I'm keeping life organized right now.    

I have used my daily checklist only once in the last two weeks.  Instead, I have been mentally sorting everything that comes my way into two categories: priority and non-priority.  I've been focusing on getting the most important (or sometimes urgent) things done and managing to do so.  Everything else?  Well, life isn't falling apart, but it is slowly moving in the direction of chaos.  

I've deemed Christmas and documenting personal priorities.  These things are important to me and to our family.  I want to do them well.  I have a spreadsheet to keep track of our holiday shopping lists and money spent on gifts.  I created our Advent calendar and have a plan for how we will recognize each day as we count down to Christmas.  Our family Project Life album is up to date and I have the basic bones of my December Daily album in place, so that I don't have to do a lot to stay caught up with that project.    

Anything and everything that I accomplish on the blogging and business fronts is done when I am off mama-duty.  We allow Sam about an hour of computer time after breakfast.  He wakes up early, so I can often get about 45 minutes of work done while he is occupied and Eli (who sleeps a bit later) is still sleeping.  A few times each week, their nap times overlap and I can squeeze in a bit more work.  Otherwise, I have to wait until they are in bed. 

I have big lists of ideas and things to accomplish scattered throughout several notebooks, draft posts, random scraps of paper and too many Evernote notes.  Honestly, it's kind of a mess.  When I find some time to work, I just do a little shuffling and searching through my files and try to determine which items are of utmost priority.  

This part of my life is currently in a hamster-on-a-wheel cycle and I feel like I can't run fast enough to every catch up with myself.  I am in a constant state of working to just keep up with the next urgent task (which is often the next blog post).

I've been thinking a lot about the difference between urgency and importance.  I want things of importance to take priority over things of urgency.  This is where being intentional comes into play.  There is never going to be enough time to do all the things that I want to do, but I do get to choose which things take up my time.  

I need to get back to using my daily checklist to help me accomplish more and feel like I am keeping up with more than just a few areas of my personal life.  But, at this point, at least I feel like my personal priorities are pretty well aligned with my values.  

My work life, on the other hand, needs help all around.  I keep thinking that a magical day is in my near future where I will have several hours to get things sorted and organized and get myself back on track.  No such day, however, is on the calendar, so I think I just need to spend a few of my "work hours" doing some strategic planning and organizing to help myself sort out and prioritize the business side of my life.

So, that is what organizing looks like in my world right now.  Not a disaster, but in need of help.   

What about you?  Are you working on what's important?  Do you have any magic secrets to help me with my urgency problem?

THANKFUL, 2014

50 things I am thankful for: 

Brian, Samuel, Elijah, my faith, my family, Brian's family, the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mama, overlapping nap times, summer, my boys' love of books, breastfeeding, sleep, upcoming vacations, Sam's Sunday School class, zoo membership, the zoo, the library, our neighbors, friends, Shawna, our home, Mabel, my cameras, FaceTime, my book club, Project Life, no more Facebook, blogging, picnics, road trips, podcasts, date nights, blank notebooks, Brian's sense of humor, the ability to stay PRN at the hospital, the joy of watching Sam and Eli learn new things, getting rid of things, daydreaming, Brian's job, learning new things, Instagram, mornings, our neighborhood, our emergency fund, chocolate, not being pregnant right now, our church, new projects, big windows allowing lots of light into our house, our cars that keep on ticking.

- - - - - - - - - - - 

My life has been blessed with so many wonderful people, places, opportunities and possessions.  I am thankful for all of it and continually reminded that even the things that don't feel like blessings in the moment are part of a bigger plan that make up the framework of this one beautiful life.  

Most of all, I am grateful for this life that I am living right now.  It is more than I could have imagined a year ago and so, so much more than I could have imagined seven years ago.  I am forever thankful that God put Brian in my path and that He has blessed us with this life that we are building together.    

THE RHYTHM OF OUR DAYS

Our days have a slow and steady beat.  

There isn't a lot of "hurry up" and there are very few deadlines.  I always have a long list of projects that I want to work on, but only occasionally do I allow them to let me feel rushed.  

Brian looks at me like I am crazy when I tell him that (once again) we "just stayed home" for the day.   When he is home with the boys, they almost always go do something out of the house.  When I am in charge, we usually stay home two or three days of the week and go out the other days.  

I am a home body and could honestly stay home four or five days a week, but we usually need something from the store and I think it is good for the boys to spend some time out of the house.  Our usual haunts are the library - the "big" one or the "little" one, the zoo, the park and Target.  Every now and then we hit up the play area at the mall or visit the children's museum.  We play in our yard every day and go for short walks around the neighborhood several times a week.  

When Brian gets home from work, we often spend some time playing outside.  Dinner is usually followed by more play time, bath time and then getting the little guys ready for bed.  

This slow and steady rhythm is exactly what I was looking for in becoming a stay-at-home mama.  I longed for routine.  I wanted our evenings to be relaxed and full of family play time.

Attitudes happen.  Giant living room messes happen.  Life happens.  Every minute isn't a pretty picture.  But, the decrease in stress is real and I am loving every minute of it.     

FRIENDS (AND BOOKS)

A few friends came over for our monthly book club tonight (Tuesday) and, as always, it was wonderful. 

We are not an "accepting new members" type of group.  (We have all known each other for at least ten years and some of us for closer to 30-35 years.)  We are also not very good at reading the chosen books.  (We all like to read, but our reading habits are pretty hit and miss and often just don't include the book club book.)  We almost never talk about the chosen books for more than three to five minutes.  (It is hard to have a good discussion when only one or two people have read the book.  Also, there are things like babies, kindergarten and pre-winter holes in yards to discuss.)  

None of those points would stand up well on a "selling features" list, but they are our truth.  And, the truth is, I love our club. 

I love that I have these women as part of my life and that we have scheduled times to spend together.  I love that they are moms too and that I can ask them for advice when I have a concern about my own children. 

After everyone left tonight, I was thinking how unknowingly blessed I was through my high school and college years.  During those years, I spent hours with my girlfriends every single day.  I have so many fun and fabulous memories and I know that I enjoyed our time together, but sometimes it is hard to appreciate what you have until it is gone. 

Thanks, friends, for another successful month of (not reading or talking about the book, but) getting together and sharing life with me. 

*photo taken in October 2005 on the night we decided that we needed to start a book club 

THINGS I DO EVERY DAY

One of Gretchen Rubin's "Secrets of Adulthood" is that what you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. 

These are the things I do every day:

I snuggle with my boys.

I read to my boys. 

I write. 

I do something nice for Brian.

I look at our budget/financial situation.

I photograph. 

I play with design and color. 

I laugh at something Brian says or does.

- - - - - -

I am happy with my list.  I'd say it is a pretty decent reflection of both my priorities and my ideal day.

There are things (like exercise) that I feel should be on that list, but aren't.  And, that's okay.  Someday, they might make the list.  For now, I am content with me and with where I stand.

I AM THE KIND OF WOMAN WHO

I am the kind of woman who becomes more confident in myself with each passing year.

I am the kind of woman who is completely okay with being called a girl.

I am the kind of woman who wants to spend more time with my sister.

I am the kind of woman who feels uncomfortable as a hostess.

I am the kind of woman who revels in bits of alone time. 

I am the kind of woman who never wants to quit learning.

I am the kind of woman who falls short of my aspirations on a daily basis.

I am the kind of woman who is thankful for my marriage.

I am the kind of woman who wants to be a better wife.

I am the kind of woman who knows approximately nothing about popular culture. 

I am the kind of woman who could be (and kind of wants to be) a minimalist, but isn't.

I am the kind of woman who prays throughout the day - prayers of gratitude and pleas for help.

I am the kind of woman who wants everything in her home to be "pretty."

I am the kind of woman who is, all in all, quite peaceful and content.

After writing about motherhood from my perspective, I wanted to consider my stance on life outside of motherhood.

A LETTER FROM THE FUTURE

September 2015

Dear brooke,

Congratulations on a successful first year as a stay at home mama.

As the year progressed, I watched you relax into your new role and the new routines that came with it.  It is evident that you take pride in the choice you made and that you are soaking in the minutes that add up to this awesome opportunity you've been given.

This year, you have started to learn what it means to serve your family in this season.  You have successfully achieved a balance between getting things done and just slowing down to enjoy the hours and the days.  You managed to leave the house (in something other than workout clothes) every week (and most days) of the year.

You have learned that you need to find (and make) little pockets of time for yourself. You have learned that you need to reach out to old friends and also make some new ones.  And you took the initiative to do so.  You have made time for both writing and creating. You have contributed to the family budget by meeting your income goal for the year. 

You set some basic priorities at the beginning of the year: meaningful quality time with each of your menfolk, Bible and prayer time, teaching your little ones about Jesus, living within your budget, making time for yourself.  You are succeeding in each of these areas and your daily living is better for it. 

You are now one year into this journey and I know that you are excited to start the next. 

I am proud of you. 

Love,

brooke

P.S. Brian really appreciated the couple hundred times that you packed his lunch for him this year.  It was pretty awesome that you did so with a happy spirit. 

Thanks to The Art of Possibility, care of Chris Guillebeau for inspiring this post.