A NEW PHASE / FAMILY PHOTOS

This is the last week of our usual, school year routine - with Brian at school and Sam home with us in the mornings, but spending the afternoons at preschool.

We are moving into a new phase in our family.

In my head, I'm calling it "the beginning of the end of the baby and toddler phase."  I think we're actually a ways past that.  Sam hasn't been a toddler for a while. Eli often talks and acts like he is seven, even though he is only three.  Basically, I think we are in between phases, now.  But, I'm sticking with this "beginning of the end" title because I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to these years of all my "babies" spending so much time at home with me.

As always seems to be the case, these years have gone by so slowly and so quickly.  It feels like it has been FOREVER since I worked full time.  (I honestly can't even imagine working a full time schedule and also having three kids.  All you working moms, have me amazed.)  I can hardly remember what it was like to have only one kiddo or to do all of the "mom things" for the first time.  But, it also doesn't seem so long ago that Sam was two and Eli was a baby and now, somehow, they are five and three - with a baby sister toddling behind them.

And yes, I realize this is all sort of melodramatic.  I know Maggie is still a baby for a few more months and will be home with me still for the next several years.  It just feels like a big shift is heading our way and I'm trying to prepare myself.

So, I am more than a little thankful that we recently had our family photos taken in a way that feels like it really captures THIS stage.  This in between stage.

A few weeks ago, we had Misty Prochaska join us for a Saturday morning and she took documentary style photos of our morning.  She did well.  And she was a joy to spend time with.  All photos in this post are hers and she also did a post on her site with more images.

If you happen to be local to Lincoln, I would highly recommend her.  

I'm not committed to this yet (in other words, plans are likely to change), but I am considering using the photos plus some in-depth text to make photo books that document this current stage.  I like the idea of creating a digital book (versus my usual paper and printed photo albums) because I could easily have four copies created - one for Brian and me and one for each of the kids.

I have tried to do Week In The Life albums several times in the last couple years, but have yet to pull one off.  I think these images could be a great jumping off point for adding text about our everyday life that would sort of fill the same role as a Week In The Life album.

Thanks again to Misty.  Like big, big thanks.

KID TALK - FALL 2016

Oh, these kiddos.

They are SO funny and say such great things.  Here is a sampling of recent quotes and conversations from our household:

After many conversations related to turning left, turning right or going straight.
Sam: Mama, do I have a straight hand?  

Seemingly out of nowhere, but maybe related to Snapchat or some dolls we have with removable / interchangeable heads.
Sam: Can we try new faces?  Sam can be Eli, Eli can be daddy and daddy be mama!  We can move our heads. (Pause.) Oh no!  Our heads are stuck!  
And later, overheard mumbling to himself.
Sam: We can't try new faces.  Our faces are stuck.  

Watching / listening to migrating birds.
Sam: Birds!  Have fun at South! 

Eli's standard apology script - adapted from the script we gave him and later adopted by Sam.  I first wrote this down months ago and we are still trying to work on correcting this.  
Eli: I'm sorry, ___name of offended___.  Thank you for ___offense___.  (For example:) I'm sorry Sam.  Thank you for hitting you.  

Me: Do you think Maggie could poop in the potty?
Eli: No.  She's too little.  Maybe she would go down [the drain] and we can't have a baby anymore. 

Talking to our Amazon Echo.
Sam: Alexa! Do you have a mama and daddy?

And another day, talking to Alexa.
Sam: Alexa, I hurt my ankle! Alexa, look! 

As we were talking about the difference between dairy cattle and beef cattle and noting that grandpa's cattle don't usually make milk.
Sam: They have apple juice, though!  
And when I argued otherwise, he was insistent.  
I was so confused until I realized he meant that he gets to drink apple juice at grandpa's house.  

Falling off the curb and onto the street.
His cousin: Sam! Are you okay? 
Sam (sounding really happy, surprised, relieved): A car didn't get me!

To me with my hair in a ponytail, which doesn't happen often.
Sam: Oh no! Where is your hair?!

More "kid talk."

7 (BABY) PARENTING RELATED BITS

This post is going to cover a lot of miscellany that all, in one way or another, relates to parenting - a lot of it is fairly specific to parenting babies.  It's kind of like a highlights reel of things that deserve to be blogged about, but don't have enough meat to stand alone as their own posts.

- - - - - - -

(1) I recently downloaded the Legacy Countdown App.  It makes it easy to visualize the amount of time your kiddos have been in your life - and the number of weeks until they fly the coop.  It feels convicting in a good way.  And, it's free.

(2) I think Letterfolk Boards are pretty great all around, but I particularly love the posts their company shares on Instagram.  This one, this one, this one and about a hundred more.  Good, true, and funny stuff.

(3) Postnatal hair loss.  It's a thing.  I'm on my third go around and it's worse than ever.  I have actual bald spots on both sides of my head in addition to general all-over hair loss.  My mom said that she had a similar experience during a particularly stressful time in her life.  And (importantly) hers grew back.  I talked to another mom who has permanent bald spots following postnatal hair loss.  I feel like hair, and the having of it, should not be a huge deal, but somehow it is.  I really, really hope that my hair loss will slow down soon and that those bald spots will fill in.  Also, I've been too scared to google about it, so I just haven't.

(4) Lap shoulders allow baby clothing to be pulled DOWN over their shoulders (instead of up over their heads).  Am I the last one to learn this?  I'm on kid number three and just figured this out.  Allow me to repeat: baby clothes with a lap shoulder neckline (google it if you have no idea what I'm talking about because I can't figure out how to describe it for you), can be removed by pulling them down instead of up.  This is a big deal when it comes to things like diaper blow outs.

(5) Heating pads are a newborn's best friend.  I've written about this before, but thought it deserved another mention as it fits so well in this post.  If you have a new baby, put a heating pad in their crib / bassinet / swing / wherever you're going to put them after you get them to sleep.  Once the bed is warm and the baby is asleep, remove the heating pad and put baby in its place.  (Make sure, of course, that the bed isn't TOO hot.)  This little trick does wonders for keeping sleeping babes asleep.

(6) If you have even a small interest in photography, buy a "nifty fifty" lens for your dSLR camera.  There are a variety of types of fixed lenses, each with their own benefits and drawbacks and price points.  When I was pregnant with Sam, I did a bunch of research and ended up buying the least expensive option I found (this is the one I own) and it is fabulous.  I appreciate good photography, but really have no desire to learn more about it.  This lens feels like an easy compromise between those two things.  I am often rewarded with beautiful images of our kids and life by simply using my fixed lens, placing it on the "A" (aperture) mode and manually shifting the focus point.  I think this is one of the best purchases that I've ever made.


(7) If you have the opportunity to buy baby things that are not baby-theme-y, do it.  Particularly, if you're pregnant for the first time and / or are planning to have more than one child.  I realize there are some people that won't find this important, but it really bothers me to have ugly baby-themed things around the house.  I am thankful that, from the get-go, I bought a boppy cover that looks good even in the living room, a high chair that doesn't scream "jungle" or another kid-theme, and so on.

- - - - - - -

And, as a bonus: People always say to "nap when the baby naps" which is good and fine, but I think an equally viable rule is "do something YOU LIKE/WANT TO DO while the baby naps."

KID TALK - SUMMER 2016

Oh, these kiddos.

They are SO funny and say such great things.  Here is a sampling of recent quotes and conversations from our household:

At the dinner table.
Sam: Daddy, when you get bigger you'll get wings and then you can fly!

In the cry room at church with Maggie and me.
Eli: There's a star on his jammies.
Me: Whose jammies?
Eli: Pastors!

Talking about food's path through the body...
Eli: I don't have intestines.
Brian:  You don't have intestines?
Eli: Nope.
Brian: What do you have instead?
Eli: I have fries.

Leaving for the store with Brian, while Maggie, Eli and I were staying home.
Sam: I love you, Eli.  I hope to see you soon, Eli.  You can't go.  Just me.  I'm a grown up.

Overheard from another room.
Eli: I smell poop.  Sam, did you poop or did I poop?

After he said something funny.
Me: I find you amusing.
Eli: I find you at the museum.

As I was cutting Eli's hair (and had just given a similar compliment to Sam after cutting his hair).
Eli: Mama, you are handsome!

Background for the next two quotes - Sam pukes somewhat regularly and often asks for "his bucket" a good while (even many hours) before he actually throws up.  Basically, it has become something of a non-event in our household.

On our way out to dinner - with no plans to be back home for a few hours.
Sam: I don't have my bucket.
Me: Do you need to puke?
Sam: Ya.  I will just wait 'til I get home.

At the dinner table
Sam: I want my bucket.
Then, immediately after being handed his puke bucket, which was close by.
Sam: I want candy!

Playing with a toy owl.
Eli: Does owls like beer, mama?  Does they like cat food?  Do cats like peanut butter?

After he said something funny.
Me: Where did you get your funniness from?
Eli: From down there in my intestines.

Looking at a scribble someone made in a library book.  Grimacing.  
Sam: Oh no!  Will Jesus clean it up?

A VERY BIG LITTLE THING

My boys love the Richard Scarry's Best Word Book Ever.  Eli's favorite page is the page of "Little Things" shown above.

Today we have big news about our very own, new and exciting little thing.  It's a baby and it's a very big little thing for this mama to think about.

The current estimated due date for the littlest Petermann babe is May 14, 2016 and we will schedule a C-section a week or so before that.  We got a sneak peek of the little bean, via ultrasound, yesterday.  We're convinced that he or she will be the perfect end cap to our family.  

It is hard to imagine how another kiddo will fit into our family and round out our family dynamic.  It is hard to imagine the boys being soft and quiet and gentle with a new baby.  It is bittersweet to think of our Eli not being the baby anymore.

I've been checking out all the mom's in the grocery store with three tiny ones - trying to see how they're making it work and affirming that they are making it work.  I still remember those first terrible trips with two kids in tow and can't quite imagine how I'm going to do it with three.  But, of course, I can and will and eventually it will just be our new normal.

This baby has us thinking about things like minivans and kids sharing bedrooms.  These are things that, not so long ago, felt like they would be concerns of the distant future.  Time passes, my friends.

So far, this pregnancy has been okay.  Not great, but not terrible.  I've experienced a lot of days of just feeling "yucky" and quite a few headaches and tummy aches, but really nothing debilitating.  I think it was a little bit better when I was pregnant with Sam and a little bit worse (although shorter lived) when I was pregnant with Eli.

Sam was born via emergency C-section and I didn't give much consideration to a VBAC for Eli.  But I've recently been clued in to the (possible) speed of recovery after a vaginal birth and it has had me thinking about it a little bit this time.  That idea makes Brian pretty nervous - and me a little, too - so we will probably stick with the C-section, but a more speedy recovery sounds so nice.  (I clearly remember one of the first days that I felt completely normal and healthy and just "like myself" after Eli's birth and it was nine weeks postpartum.  That's just YUCK and too long and not something I'm looking forward to doing again.)

And despite all of these things to feel and things to think about and the fact that my ab muscles are shot, so my belly is popping out at record pace, the reality of baby number three hasn't really hit us yet.  I often forget that I'm pregnant or that we have big changes ahead of us.  I am looking forward to next May.  I can't wait to see who this little person is and to snuggle their little newborn self.  But I also want to really savor these last six months of living as a family of four.

We are so incredibly blessed and so incredibly thankful for the opportunity to be (and become) our very own little family.  

DAILY CHECKLISTS

I've created and used daily checklists several times in the three and a half years since becoming a mama.  I'm sure they would have been helpful in my pre-mamahood days, too but I had quite a bit of disposable time in those days and rarely fought to fit in the things that I needed or wanted to accomplish.

After a several month hiatus, I started a new checklist in August.  As always seems to be the case, my daily checklist included a mixture of self-care items, household chores and things that I like to do daily just to help me feel like an accomplished human being.  I wrote more about my big goals for a daily checklist in this post.

There are two big differences between this list and ones that I've created in the past.

1.  Checklists are recreated monthly.  

In the past, I would type up a list and print several copies with the plan to use it indefinitely.  This didn't leave room for new, short term projects or for changes in priorities.

For each of the past three months, I have written a new checklist at the beginning of the month.  While many things remain the same from month to month, I've also added and removed or altered a few things each month to keep the checklist relevant.

2.  Checklists are made and kept inside my daily planner.    

This one simple change has helped me to stay on track more consistently than I have in the past.  Previously, my checklist would be on a separate piece of paper that could (and would) easily get lost in the paper shuffle around the house.

Now that I have it in the same place as all of my other daily and weekly planning - in a book that I use for several purposes each day - it is difficult to ignore or forget and hard to misplace.

This month's list includes flossing, taking my vitamin, making my bed, putting the dishes away in the morning, putting the laundry away in the morning, doing a daily devotion, having a plan for dinner (which usually reminds me to set out meat to thaw or other prep steps to take early in the day), getting Brian's coffee ready for the next morning, running a load of laundry before bed, starting the dishwasher before bed and making some sort of forward progress on the blog.

Other things that have been included in the past couple months: reading, writing, 10,000 step goal, making progress on the blog move.

- - - - -

My list is set up in a general morning to night order.  On days when I am on my game, I have the first seven or eight things done by mid-morning.  The last few usually aren't accomplished until just before bed.

I use Get To Work Book as my planner / calendar.  I have the July 2015 to June 2016 edition which is no longer in stock, but the January to December 2016 edition is currently shipping.

FROM HASHTAG TO BOOK

From my resignation letter in August of 2014 to the last week of May, 2015, my #brookestayshome book is the most comprehensive document I have of my first year as a stay at home mama.

I adopted my hashtag along with my new role and used it on Instagram throughout the year.  There were no hard and fast rules for the use of my hashtag, but I did follow some general guidelines.  The big idea was to catch the everyday things that I was doing with the boys during the time while Brian was at work.  If it was an evening family activity, it did not get the hashtag.  If it was a daytime activity with just me and the kiddos, it did.  

There were weeks when I used the hashtag several times and other weeks that were skipped completely.  Again, I didn't want to set myself up for failure by prescribing anything like a "twice a week" standard. 

The photos are presented in chronological order and a flip-through of the book has a nice little "watch them grow" effect for both of the boys.  It's amazing how much the change over the course of nine months and how few of those changes are noticeable on a day-to-day basis.   

I had the book printed through Chatbooks and opted to include the date (but not the text) for each photo.  Chatbooks made things super easy as I was able to search my Instagram account by hashtag through their app.  Then, I just chose all of those photos and sent it to print.  Easy peasey.  

I know this is a book (and a time) that I will always cherish and it required almost zero work beyond hashtagging photos that I would have been posting anyway.  We are well into year two now and continuing the project with #stayinghomeyeartwo.  

MAMA-BEAR FEARS

Brian and I are in a small group Bible study through our church.  Everyone in our group has kids that are elementary age or younger, so the kids watch a Veggie Tales video while the adults discuss and study a related topic.

At our last meeting, we were discussing fears - both big and small.  After talking about fears of snakes and spiders, dark basements and heights, we moved onto the tougher stuff.

One mama said that one of her biggest fears is that she will do something - or not do something - that will irreparably mess up her kids.  While this isn't something that I think about often, it does come across my fear radar every now and then.  I was quick to empathize with her comments.  

The fear of failing our kids.  I thought this to be a pretty universal fear.

And then another mama chimed in with her counter view.  She literally said, "Really!?"  You could hear both the exclamation point and the question mark in her voice.  She said this was the least of her worries because she felt like it was inevitable.  She is giving it her all and when her kids are adults she will just tell them she is sorry for the parts that went wrong and offer to pay for some therapy.  This last part was said somewhat flippantly, but her overarching point was sincere.

The fact that we will fail them.  Another truth.

I already held both the fear and the inevitability of failure in my heart, but I hadn't really given time to the idea that this was inevitable.  I liked that second mama's attitude.  She's doing her best and, really, nothing more can be expected of her.

I want to adopt that attitude and combine it with the peace of knowing that God gave me my kids (and gave them me) for a reason.  We are human and things won't be perfect, but we were meant to be together.

Fears be gone - or at least minimized.

PS: I Am the Kind of Mama Who, Overcoming Fears About Becoming a Stay-At-Home-Mama

SLEEP - A YEAR LATER

One year ago, I wrote a letter to my boys pleading with them to allow me some time to sleep.

If I were to write them a similar, sleep-related letter today it would be much shorter.  In fact, I think I could sum it up in two simple words, "Thank you."

Oh, we are far from the sleep-happy days that existed before parenthood.  But.  And it's a big but.  We are also far from the sleep-disaster of one year ago.

Considering that I am a mama to a one year old and a three year old, I'd say we're doing pretty darn well.

Our usual pattern looks something like this:

Eli goes to bed around 8pm.

We read him two or three books, say prayers, give him lots of kisses and squeezes and set him in his crib with a few stuffed animals, his "night-night's" (small pieces of knit fabric with binding around their edges) and a sippy cup of water.  His animals give him a few more "kisses" and then we tell him how much we love him and close the door on our way out.  We put him down wide awake and he falls asleep on his own.

He sleeps until somewhere between 5:30am and 7:30am - probably averaging right at 6:30am.

He naps for two to three hours most afternoons - something like 1pm-3:30pm - and we follow a pre-nap routine that is very similar to his pre-bed routine.

Sam goes to bed around 8pm.

We usually do a puzzle or play a game together in the half hour or so leading up to bed time - with jammies already on and the understanding that after the activity we will be going into his room for bed time.  He "reads" me a book from memory while I snuggle next to him on the bed.  I climb out of his bed and sit beside him while he says his prayers and then I hold his hand until he falls asleep.  It usually only takes two to three minutes for him to fall asleep.

He wakes up anywhere between 4am and 6:30am - averaging about 5:15am.

He does not nap and it is for the best that he doesn't.  If he is sick or wakes up at 4am and falls asleep in the afternoon, he tends to fight bedtime until 10pm or later and that makes me a crabby mess.

Eli doesn't care who puts him down.  Sam wants me and only me  Every time.  He is almost mean to Brian about even being in the room, unless I am not home, in which case he puts up with Brian because he doesn't have a choice.

The most common exceptions:

Sam comes into our room in the middle of the night one out of every three nights (or  so) and wants to sleep with us.  We let him climb in until he falls back asleep and then one of us carries him back to his bed.  Sometimes this takes all of ten minutes, other nights he wiggles around in our bed for an hour or more before he falls back asleep.

Eli has random nights of middle of the night crying, but this is pretty rare - maybe once every two or three weeks.  I go in his room, check to make sure he doesn't need his diaper changed and then hold him / walk around his room while I count to sixty in my head.  After the minute is up, I put him back in bed and leave the room.  Often, that's all it takes.  Sometimes, he goes back to crying when I leave.  If so, I wait a full ten minutes and then go back for another minute of holding / walking around.  And we continue that pattern for a while or until I give up.

Giving up equals holding him in the rocking chair and letting him fall asleep on me - which happened one day a week or so ago, but hadn't happened for many months before that.

- - - - -

My biggest frustration is still the early mornings with Sam.  I love having some quiet time to myself in the mornings before I have to move into my mama role.  I usually get up right around five, so some mornings I manage the quiet times and other mornings not - just depending on how late he sleeps.

It's been a while, but at some point we tried moving his bed time later to see if it would help him to sleep in.  It didn't.  He got up at the same time, but was just more tired from fewer hours of sleep.

In the big scheme of things, I'm really happy with where we are sleep-wise.  It isn't perfect, but I am actually getting many consecutive hours most nights of the week and this makes for a happy brooke.

PS: If you're interested in toddler sleep posts, Kathleen has written a few about her family's sleep situation recently.  Here and here.  

Photo: Shutterfly offered a coupon code for free 8x8 books, a few weeks back.  I downloaded their app, synced it with Instagram and chose the 20 most recent photos in my Instagram account that included both Sam and Eli.  The book is tucked away on a top shelf and will be a Christmas gift for them.   

ONE YEAR OF STAYING HOME

I have been a stay at home mama for a year now.  The official anniversary was August 11th.  So it has actually been a year and a month.

One of the biggest blessings that I had in taking this leap into a big life change was my previous work schedule.  From 2004 to August of 2015, I worked a full time schedule in just three work days each week.  (Twelve hour shifts made this happy feat possible.)  Every week, I had four days of "at home" time that gave me a  pretty good preview of what life would be like as a full time stay at home mom. Without this sneak peek, I think I would have been in for a pretty rude awakening.

Even with a general understanding of what to expect, the first several months seemed pretty weird as I looked at the calendar and was confronted with a lot of open space ahead of me.  It felt sort of like those first few months after college when I wondered how I would spend my free time without any homework or studying to do in the evenings.

For the most part, an open schedule just feels nice now.  Just like I filled my free time without homework, I seem to have filled my "free time" without work.  Every now and then, when Brian is grading papers or planning for the next day's classes, I get this guilty feeling about not having similar commitments.  But then, there are too many hours when the opposite end of the spectrum - the fact that I never get to leave work - is all I can see.

Delineating responsibilities and expectations is a big part of making this situation work in our house - to keep things running and to maintain our marriage.

It's something that I hadn't thought a lot about  when we were both still working full time. At that point, it was just an all out scramble to get done what we could get done when we could fit it in.  There were chores that generally fell to each of us, but we were pretty much just in a constant battle to stay one step ahead of the house and the kids.

Since I've been home, I've tried to take on a majority (although certainly not all) of the household chores, upkeep and errands.  I feel like those things are a part of my "job."  When I'm in the right frame of mind, I remember that doing as many of these things as I can during the hours Brian is at work means that we can have more fun and focused time together - and just be more generally relaxed - when he is home.

I am usually pretty cool with this idea on week days and attempt to have a few extra things done by Friday afternoon to help us both have a break on Saturday.  But, by Sunday afternoon, I often find myself a bit grumpy due to the "never ending" aspect of my job and the fact that I don't really get a weekend.  It's something I need to work on.

In reality, Brian still does a ton around the house (weekend or otherwise), but I've just taken on a bit more than I used to.  The biggest thing he takes care of is the yard, which requires a couple hours every week from April to November and I am HUGELY grateful for that.

Overall, the boys and I have a really nice rhythm to our days.  I feel like I've really grown and relaxed into this pace of life.  We generally leave the house for a few hours every morning, go home in time for lunch, Eli naps while Sam and I hang out together (and he often has some screen time), we have a snack, get dinner going and then it's about time for Brian to get home.  In between, we read (and read, and read) and I sneak in ten minute sessions of time for my own projects or getting the house in order.

One of the biggest changes of the past year is that Sam no longer naps.  For the first several months of my stay-at-home adventure, both of the kids napped.  Rarely were their naps perfectly aligned to allow me more than half an hour or so to myself, but at least I would only have one kid to chase/entertain/feed/diaper/everything else at a time.  And every now and then, I would get a full hour or two to myself in the early afternoon.  It was my time to do with as I pleased.  It was heavenly.

Now, Sam almost never naps (and hasn't since January).  For a while, I loved the days when he would randomly fall asleep mid-afternoon.  But the tables have turned and I really dislike those days now because it means he will be up and full of energy all evening - when I am pooped.  It took a while to get used to not getting those few moments to myself to truly relax, but I'm (sort of) there now.

I try to leave the house on my own at least once a week.  This is often a trip to the store, meeting my friend Liz to run, an evening at book club or a trip to the coffee shop.  Whatever it is - it always feels both weird and wonderful.

I do still work one weekend (twelve hour shifts both Saturday and Sunday) every couple months and over the summer I put in a few extra partial shifts to help fill in where they needed me.  I enjoy these weekends as time "away" from the boys and my responsibilities, but am glad that I don't work more often than I do.  

Not every day is pretty or idyllic.  My kitchen floor is almost always sticky.  We have a lot less money than we would if I were working.

And still, it has been a good year.  I don't regret this in the least and plan to keep on keeping on.  Life as a stay at home mama is good for this mama.

PS: More posts about being a Stay At Home Mama - It's About the Why, Day One Week One, The First Month, A Letter from the Future, The Rhythm of Our Days

Photos: our morning teeth brushing routine, feeding "Leo the Paper Eating Lion" at the zoo - as we do at least once a week from April to October

ONE LITTLE WORD 2015 - MARCH

The big idea behind the March installment of the One Little Word class was to create a list of word-related actions.  My word for 2015 is VOICE.  

I spent some time considering my intentions for my word and perusing my current goal list.  As I considered various ways to make "voice" a more tangible part of my life, I continually asked myself, "Will this allow me to share my voice?" and "Does this fit with my intentions?"

I ended up with three actions and a goal that I hope to achieve by the end of 2015.  

Action 1: Complete three Bible study or devotional books.

This action is not about my voice, but about taking to hear and study God's voice.  I have been working on this action consistently since mid-February and just in the past six weeks my heart and head have learned new levels of peace.  I feel like I am standing on firmer ground.  I am excited to see the ways that my heart can be changed and all that I can learn with continued study.  

Action 2: Complete a new capsule wardrobe for each season through 2015.  

My goal with each wardrobe is to choose items that feel like "me" and that make me feel comfortable.  I want to wear clothing that expresses my voice through color (the goal is more) and style (the goal is always casual and comfortable without being sloppy).

Keeping a minimalist closet is also a way of being true to the part of me that wants to own very few things.  Our house sometimes feels overran with toys and other "kid stuff," but my wardrobe is one of the areas where I can easily control what I have.  I keep it to the basics because that's what I prefer and what makes my brain happy.  

I've already completed my winter and spring wardrobes.  So, this action item is half done and I can't imagine any circumstances that would keep me from completing it.  

Action 3: Write with transparency, openness and less censoring.  Be real and write more.

This is a very literal interpretation of sharing my voice.  It's something that I always aim for, but sometimes don't reach.  

This is the only item on this list that is not objectively measurable.  Still, this is something that I can pretty easily self-measure.  I know when I am not being authentic or when I am holding back. 

Goal: Reach 10,000 page views per month. 

This was already on my goal list, but I thought that it fit nicely here.  I've currently reached 64% of my goal.

I believe that if I am being both intentional and genuine with my writing, this will happen.  It definitely won't happen if I skip too many days of posting.  This goal is about keeping myself accountable to continued creating, continued writing, continued community building and continued sharing.  

- - - 

This is not a comprehensive list of the things that I want to accomplish or keep in mind regarding my word, this year.  There are a hundred other ways that I want to be true (or truer) to myself.  But, I think this list is a good start.  If I cross these things from my list by the end of 2015, I will feel like I put solid effort into integrating my word into my life.  

After thinking about these longer-term actions, I keep coming back to the idea that what I do every day matters more than what I do once in a while.  I started a separate page in my One Little Word album to write more about this idea.  My plan is to write a few ideas for making my word actionable on a daily basis.  But, I haven't figured those things out yet so I will share more next month.  

And one final One Little Word happening for this month:

When I wrote my intentions for the year, I wrote a bit about my mama-voice ingraining itself into my boys' internal voices.  It was something I wanted to keep at the forefront of my thoughts as I chose my words and attitudes.  

Toddler parroting is now out in full force.  I am literally hearing my own words and phrases come back at me in Sam's little voice.  I hear him talk through his frustrations as he tells himself, "I'm okay," "just wait" and "try again."  It is both sweet and humbling to know that the words we've given him to work through things are the words that cycle through his head.  

This phase is a good reminder for continued consciousness of the words and tones that we use.  Our voices matter because they are helping our children build their voices.

PS - More One Little Word posts.  

ONE AND THREE

And just like that, I'm a mama to a three year old and a one year old.  

With two birthdays in the past two weeks, we are solidly into the toddler-preschool age, which is just fine with me.  I am really thankful that the newborn and tiny baby phases are behind us for a while.  I'm sure I would feel differently if I thought Eli was our last baby, but I am hopeful that we will get to experience new parenthood at least one more time.   

For now, I'm focusing on the positive side of no tiny babies in the house.  For one thing, I am better wired for handling toddler challenges than newborn chaos.  I can deal with a mid-store meltdown much better than a two a.m. crying marathon.  Also, sleep is my friend and it has finally started to come my way more consistently.  

Another plus: I can now usually leave the two boys alone in the same room.  This was not the case for most of the last year because Sam would push Eli, sit on him or otherwise make me question Elijah's safety.  It seems that we've largely gotten past that.  Thank goodness.  It feels ridiculously liberating just to be able to go to a different room for a few minutes by myself.  

To add to the sweetness, spring seems to have arrived in Nebraska.  Or, maybe it's just teasing us, but I'll still take it.  Spring means we are no longer stuck inside and that is making my heart feel light.  We've had our fill of the library, Target and "Frozen" this winter.  Spring means wagon rides, sidewalk chalk, playing in the dirt, trips to the park and the zoo.  (Our zoo doesn't open until mid-April, but we will be there just waiting to get in when it does.)  Honestly, just having the windows open and the opportunity to go for walks around the neighborhood feel like small miracles.

One and three are good ages.  Good for fun and exploring.  Good for still getting in some lap time and snuggles.  Good for this mama.  I'm so grateful to be on the other side of sleepless nights and to have a husband that's been alongside me for all of it.  We've successfully brought them this far and I think that is worth celebrating.  

TIME FOR ALL OF IT

The other day, I had half an hour to myself and thought it sounded nice to just write.  Not for a blog post or really for any purpose other than just to get my thoughts and feelings onto paper.

The first sentence that fell on my paper was this, "I am dreaming of having time to write and reflect."  

I rounded out a nice long paragraph with all the things I dreamed of having time to do.  I wished for date nights with Brian, giggling and snuggling and book reading with the boys, going out (or staying in) with my girlfriends, hibernating under a blanket with a novel in my hand and hot chocolate by my side, scrapbooking, writing, photographing and doing other blog related projects, taking walks around the neighborhood and crawling into bed at 8pm with no need to get up until morning.

I didn't see it until I had it all written down.  But, of course.  I do have time for all these things.  In fact, with the exception of the part about sleeping, these are the very things that make up my life.    

I just don't have a lot of time for most of them or, at least, not a lot of consecutive time.  But that is just part of this phase of life.  

Now that I've had this epiphany, I need to remember it and I also need to keep in mind that I can really only do one thing at a time.  No matter what's going on in my life, I have this tendency to think of everything else I "should be" doing.  I feel guilty for not spending time with the kids as I am working on a blog post.  Or, I feel guilty about neglecting housework when I am playing with Brian and the boys.  And, so on.  Again, this is just a part of life and, particularly, this phase of life.  

In the end, it's about realizing that I can't have all the time I want for everything I want, but that I can and should appreciate the time that is available.  I need to work on being present in the individual moments.

LOVE LETTERS TO MY BOYS

This is year number three for my annual Valentine love letters to the kids.

In the past, I've shared what I've written here, but I decided to keep them private this year.  I printed them out and added them to their respective baby books.  This is the first year that I've printed them out, but now that I've done it I'm anxious to go back and print out the past letters, too.  

I love this little tradition.  It encourages me to write to them in a different voice than what I generally use in my Project Life journaling or even in their baby books.  Thinking of the letters as "love letters" helps me to write to them about all the ways that I love them and all of their awesome, lovable qualities.  

I also love that it takes only a quick sit at the computer and requires no supplies.  Quick and easy are always winners.  

Wishing you a happy and love-filled Valentine weekend.  

PS: Year one.  Year two Sam.  Year two Eli.  

THE MAKINGS OF A FAVORITE PHOTO

A few weeks ago, I noticed a few bloggers sharing their favorite photos of 2014.  It got me thinking about my favorite photos of the year.  I spent half an hour looking through our Project Life albums and pulling out photos that might fit under the "favorite" title.  Then, I forced myself to pare the pile down to five.  

The images above made the cut.  

It's pretty easy to see that subject matter was paramount.  My boys win every time.  

Two of the photos represent big moments.  

The one of Eli and me was taken the day he was baptized - just a couple days after he was born and while we were still at the hospital.  He was so tiny and so snuggly and I was just learning about him.  There is something magical about my memories of my post-partum hospital stays with both of my boys.  They were full of pain and worry, but also the wonder of new life and dreams for the future.  

The photo of Sam and Eli with their binkies is the first photo I caught of both of them looking at the camera.  It is from several months ago and already they've both changed so much, that when I look at the photo I think they look so small and so baby-ish.  The transition to brotherhood was not easy for Sam.  Until the last month or so, I was afraid to leave them together without supervision.  This photo shows one of the rare moments when they were side by side without Eli crying.  

The other three photos are from our everyday life and don't stand out as milestone moments. 

I love them for just that reason.  They show the beauty present in everyday moments.  They show the passing of time and the passing of seasons - seasons that sometimes feel like they will go on forever, but change without me even taking note.  

The photo of Brian, Sam and I in bed, early in the morning could've been taken any morning last summer.  As soon as Sam learned how to open his bedroom door, he started running into our room in the morning and we would snuggle him between us for half an hour or so before getting up.  I am so thankful that I took the initiative to bring out the tripod one morning and hand Sam the remote shutter release.  He had a great time pushing the button and now we have those summer mornings captured for always.  

As they were taken, my favorite photos were just moments captured.  They became favorites because of what they mean to me.  Single frames of life that represent our family.  I think the lesson in this is to just keep taking photos - both on milestone days and every day.  

TWENTY FOURTEEN

This is what I hope to remember about 2014:

Welcoming the new year with energy for new projects and anticipation of all that was to come.  

Anticipating the arrival of Baby Two and the transition from working mama to staying-home mama.  My last few precious months as a mama to Sam and only Sam.  Belly kicks.  And, at the beginning of March, the arrival of our sweet Elijah.

Undiluted awe of our new little guy's existence and trying to comprehend the love and responsibility that came with him.  

Gratitude for our family and the hours of loving care that they gave to us as we adjusted to parenthood with a two year old and a newborn.  

An evening at the winery with Brian.  Celebrating four years of marriage and finding it hard to believe all that has changed and all that has stayed the same in those four short years.  

A summer filled with zoo trips, library story times, picnics and Eli napping in Brian's arms.  Sam's enthusiasm for cows, bridges, the alphabet, elevators, "schwimmin'" and trains.  

Bittersweet goodbyes to my work-home and work-family of the last ten years.  

Vast amounts of time and unknowns ahead of me as a full time mama.  A huge reprieve from daily stress.  Small adventures with the boys.  Seeing the world anew through their eyes.  Appreciating rare quiet hours and even rarer moments of a toy-free living room floor. 

Renewed joy in our evenings together at the end of Brian's basketball season.

Sam's excitement about presents and Santa and Jesus' birthday.  Watching Eli grow so quickly out of his babyhood.  Observing little glimmers of the boys' future relationship with one another.

Early mornings all together.  Playing, reading, laughing.  

- - - - - - 

2014 has been filled with more blessings than we can count, a few giant (and wonderful) milestones and thousands of less memorable moments that all add up to one wonderful year.  

LESSONS OF PARENTING

I am thankful for all that I have learned (and continue to learn) as a mama.  

Patience was the first lesson and it may well be the last. 

I was asked to exhibit patience as I waited the long nine months of pregnancy.  Patience is asked of me as I attempt to hurry these little people with plans of their own, as I learn that they are who they are, as I am reminded that their needs come first and my own needs sometimes have to be pushed to the back burner.  I am asked to be patient as the lesson of the sermon (that I so want to focus on) is overshadowed by a certain little person repeatedly exclaiming, "Quack! Quack!"  Patience.  I pray for more of it and for it to come more easily. 

It is one of my ongoing lessons of parenthood.

The lessons of love are plentiful and varied.  

There is a new and different kind of love for Brian to explore as we parent together and as I watch him be a daddy.  I have learned that it is possible to watch someone, endlessly, in pure awe and delight and to celebrate their littlest successes with nothing but love in my heart.  The love my parents hold for me is now understod in a completely way than I ever could have imagined before becoming a parent myself.  Along with love comes sacrifice and the biggest lesson of sacrifice that I've learned since becoming a mama is how readily it is given when I know it is for their good.  I think that's one of the best kinds of love and one of the best lessons of this parenting gig.

There are lessons about my own abilities.

I have learned that I can do so much more than I thought I could. And, a second babe taught me that I can do more than that, too.  Once again, it all goes back to sacrifice and the amazing strength that God gives mamas to give their all for their little ones.

And there are lessons in joy.

I learned a thousand lessons in the depth of joy as we brought these new little beings home with us and studied every one of their tiny bits.  These were the first lessons in better understanding the miracle of life and in understanding love.  Joy is present as I watch them accomplish new feats and connect the dots between ideas. 

Joy hovers close as they sneak into bed with us early in the morning and again (but more quietly) tell us, 

"Quack! Quack!"  

I am forever grateful for not only the opportunity to be a mama, but also for all that it is teaching me.  Thank you, God, for my sweet boys.  

THE RHYTHM OF OUR DAYS

Our days have a slow and steady beat.  

There isn't a lot of "hurry up" and there are very few deadlines.  I always have a long list of projects that I want to work on, but only occasionally do I allow them to let me feel rushed.  

Brian looks at me like I am crazy when I tell him that (once again) we "just stayed home" for the day.   When he is home with the boys, they almost always go do something out of the house.  When I am in charge, we usually stay home two or three days of the week and go out the other days.  

I am a home body and could honestly stay home four or five days a week, but we usually need something from the store and I think it is good for the boys to spend some time out of the house.  Our usual haunts are the library - the "big" one or the "little" one, the zoo, the park and Target.  Every now and then we hit up the play area at the mall or visit the children's museum.  We play in our yard every day and go for short walks around the neighborhood several times a week.  

When Brian gets home from work, we often spend some time playing outside.  Dinner is usually followed by more play time, bath time and then getting the little guys ready for bed.  

This slow and steady rhythm is exactly what I was looking for in becoming a stay-at-home mama.  I longed for routine.  I wanted our evenings to be relaxed and full of family play time.

Attitudes happen.  Giant living room messes happen.  Life happens.  Every minute isn't a pretty picture.  But, the decrease in stress is real and I am loving every minute of it.     

5 WAYS I AM DOCUMENTING ELI'S BABYHOOD

Elijah's babyhood is passing by all too quickly.  He hit the seven month mark last week and is rolling slash worming himself all over the place these days.  I know these moments are both precious and fleeting.  I'm doing my best to both soak them in and record them.

Five ways I am documenting Eli's babyhood:

1. Photos, photos, photos.  Photography is definitely my go-to method for documenting everything in life and this is no exception.  As long as I have a camera close at hand, actually capturing a moment only requires a few seconds.  We have done a few DIY photo shoots, but most of Eli's baby photos are just snapshots from our everyday life. 

2. Weekly photo project.  This project is, essentially, an organized extension of my photography love.  I’ve written more details about it here.  I love this method of documenting because, again, it only takes a little bit of time (usually less than five minutes including his clothing change), but compiling all of the photos into a timeline ends up being a really cool way to see him grow and change.  

3. Monthly overviews.  On, or about, the 6^th of each month, I write a bullet-point list of what’s going on in Eli’s life.  Items on the list include milestones, favorites, what size clothing his wearing and just a general run down of what he’s doing at that moment.  I print two copies and place one in his baby book and the other in our family Project Life album. 

4. Family Project Life album.  I complete approximately one Project Life layout per week, with both photos and journaling, to record all the little details of what's going on in our family.  This is where funny anecdotes and more of the "moments" of our lives get documented.  There is almost always something to write about Eli and often there is something about his interactions with Sam.  

5. Baby book.  This project is in its very beginning stages.  I have the title page complete and have printed out his monthly overview lists and tucked those in the appropriate pages.  And that's it.  I plan to format this book with a few pages about my pregnancy and his birth, followed by two-page layouts each to include a month’s worth of favorite photos, his monthly “what’s going on in Eli’s life” overview and a bit of journaling.  To help me fill in any blanks, I can reference the family Project Life album.

One thing that I have on my related to-do list is to open an email account for Elijah.  This is something that I've done for Sam and I enjoy the ease of occasionally sending him "you did this" write-ups or quick emails with fun photos and videos. 

If you are looking for more ideas to document your baby, I wrote an ebook/resource list with 365 journaling prompts and project ideas for documenting the first year and it is available for only $7. 

"REMEMBERING TIME"

I have started a new little evening ritual with Sam that I am really enjoying. 

Each evening, before bed, we have "remembering time."  Sometimes, we remember while he splashes in the tub, sometimes before we read and sometimes just before prayers and lights out. 

I start with the first moment I see him in the morning and verbally run through a list of all the things that we did during the day.  I've been leaving out the time outs and trying to use this as a time to focus on the good bits - pointing out when he was funny or kind and remembering the moments where we had fun together. 

He is pretty passive throughout my monologue, but gives me a smile here and there and is definitely paying attention.

So far, this has been a fun new way to bond with him and a way to teach him some new vocabulary about the things that he has experienced throughout the day.  It will be fun to see how it develops and evolves over time and if he will become a more active participant as his speech continues to improve.