38 TODAY

It's my birthday.  I'm 38.  Yay!

When I read Kathleen's birthday post a couple months ago, I immediately knew that I wanted to do something similar for my own birthday.  I liked the idea of doing small things to treat myself on my special day.  And - let's be honest - birthdays are sort of weird as an adult.  I always feel like the day should be somehow different from the rest of life, but there are still all the regular life duties and responsibilities that need to be met.  And kids don't really ever let you take a day off.

I made a list of six things that I wanted to do / have as little treats for my birthday.    But now I am writing this post just before bed and the day hasn't gone at all as I planned.  Of course.

But you know what?  It was a GREAT day. 

I tended to all of my duties and responsibilities.  I also did some of the things on my list.  And I let myself really notice and feel all the love coming at me. 

I received so many kindnesses and sweet birthday wishes and gifts.  I spent some time thanking God for the people he has placed in my life.  I spent some time thinking about the ways small gestures add up to better days and better relationships.  I also recognized that the small treats I give myself are valuable and don't need to be saved up for specific days. 

It was a good day and I think I will now rewrite most of the previous paragraph on a piece of paper and hang it on my mirror.  I think this will be a good theme for my year of being 38. 

Image: "happy brithday my mom" written by Sam in our neighbor's driveway. 

36 FAVORITE THINGS

It's my birthday and I'm 36 today.  The following are 36 things that I love, just now.

1 - Brian.  He is my true favorite thing.  Day in and day out, I am thankful to have him by my side.

2 - Sam.  This kiddo brings me joy every single day.

3 - Eli. This guy does, too.

I seriously love them both so much and don't really like to think about how different my life would be without them.

4 - The promise of a third baby - who is almost here!  Unless she surprises us with an early arrival, she is scheduled to arrive via C-section on May 10th.  I am so excited to meet her and hold her and see what she looks like and to experience what it's like to be a mama to a girl.

5 - My morning routine.  It keeps me centered and feeling like a human - not just a mom.  I really don't like thinking about the fact that our new addition will likely mean that it will be many months before I regain my morning "by myself" time.

6 - My One Little Word for the year.

7 - Rotating toys.  I put away almost all of the boys' toys in February and have only been swapping out a few here and there.  It seriously makes my life SO MUCH BETTER.

8 - Spring.  I'm pretty sure that I feel this way every year, but wow.  Having the opportunity to go outside without bundling up in a hundred layers is fabulous.  So are the budding trees, green grass and new flower growth.

9 - The Get To Work Book.  I have used this planner for almost an entire year and it is totally my jam.  It felt like a big expense when I first purchased it, but I'm pretty sure I've gotten my money's worth and more out of it.

10 - Daniel Tiger.  Sam is very, very reluctant to watch anything new.  We were stuck on Frozen for a long time and once he grew tired of that, he pretty much refused to watch any movies or TV.  Which was great, but also sometimes frustrating - TV time can provide some downtime for the mama, you know?  In the last month or so, he decided Daniel Tiger was okay (or even super) and I am thankful.

11 - My FitBit.  It keeps me motivated and keeps me moving.  I've had the Flex for almost a year and a half.  It just died a week or so ago.  But (good news!), I'm pretty sure that I will receive the Alta as my birthday gift.

12 - The First5 App.  I use this app, in conjunction with this devotion journal to do many of my daily devotions.

13 - Studio Calico / Project Life.  I still love the Project Life weekly scrapbooking method and have done a great job of keeping up with it so far this year.  And, I love, love, love the monthly Studio Calico subscription with cards I use in my PL album.  I didn't subscribe for all of 2015 and really missed it.  I have really enjoyed receiving my monthly kits again this year.

14 - Amazon Prime.  2 day shipping.  Music.  Movies.  Daniel Tiger (as noted above).  Not having to leave the house.  Yep.  I love it.

15 - Staying Home.  I still feel really grateful for the opportunity to spend so much time with the kids while they are still little.  I also love the relaxed schedule it allows for our family.  Not rushing to daycare every morning and not feeling rushed through our evening routines is pretty darn awesome.

16 - These two books (1, 2) that have the same message, but it's a good one.  I've read them both and will keep looking for more with the same theme because reading them keeps me motivated.

17 - Greek Gods Honey and Salted Caramel yogurt.  Dangerously yummy.

18 - Our emergency fund.  This gives me more peace of mind than I can say.  It's not something that I actively think about very often, but just knowing that it's there is good for my head.

19 - Essentialism.  This book pushed me toward SIMPLIFY for my One Little Word in 2016.

20 - Amazon Echo / Alexa.  We have had so much fun with Alexa in the last few months.  We listen to music a lot more than we used to and I love that we can share a wide range of musical genres with the kids without having to purchase new music all the time.

21 - Cloth diapers.  The original stash we bough when Sam was a baby is still going strong.  We have a small pile that need a snap or two replaced.  Otherwise, they are in great condition and still do their job.

22 - The KonMari Method.  Once I quit procrastinating and got to work, this was (and is) a life changer.  My goal was to complete the project by May 10.  I officially called it "done" on April 20.  I need to go through my clothes one more time - once I fit into non-maternity clothes again.  Other than that, I think we're good.

23 - Our vacation fund.  Brian and I are saving up for another Jamaica vacation with tentative plans for the summer of 2017.  Woohoo!  Each time I make a deposit into that savings account, I feel a little boost of happy as I think about time on the beach.

24 - Smoothies / Our Ninja Blender.  We seem to go through phases with these.  As of late, we make them two or three times per week.  They taste great, are healthy and the boys love to help put all the ingredients in the blender and push the button to make it go.

25 - Instagram.  My favorite (and only) social media platform.

26 - Meal planning.  I don't know why I resisted this for so long.  It makes my days and weeks so much easier.

27 - PlayDoh, blocks and animal / people figurines.  Three toys that keep the kids busy for extended periods of time and that require the use of their imaginations.

28 - Our families.  Seriously.  So, so thankful for family that we can also call friends and that are ever-helpful when we need them.

29 - Aldi.  One opened just down the street from us in the last year and I love it.  I'd say that we do at least 2/3 of our grocery shopping there.

30 - Sam's speech therapist and the entire staff at her office.  We love them.  They love Sam.  And Eli charms them as he says "hi" to everyone that works there by name when they come in and out of the waiting room.

31 - .Bloglovin'.  I've used this feed reader for a couple years now.  They've made some changes that have made it a little less brooke-friendly, but I still appreciate having all of the blogs I like to read in one place and I appreciate their "related posts" feature that helps me learn about new-to-me blogs.

32 - Soda.  I no longer allow myself to buy it at the grocery store - to have on hand at home.  This means that I enjoy it all the more when I get one at a restaurant.

33 - A "new" entryway.  I moved some furniture around and bought new artwork and coat hanger last fall.  This little bit of my home is one of my favorites.  It feels much more "me" and more my style than most of the rest of our house.

34 - The couch.  Our living room couch is currently serving as my bed.  Sleeping with my back against the back cushion is the only way I can sleep well and not wake up to a body full of aches and pains.  I am more than ready to move back to my own bed (and be able to sleep on my tummy again!), but for now I am thankful that the couch is a viable option that helps me not to hurt.

35 - Our monthly budget.  A game changer.  A life changer.  Thankful for money plans that mean little money stress.

36 - The promise of a new year ahead.  Birthdays feel a lot like Januarys to me - full of promise and the opportunity to start anew.  I am HUGELY looking forward to my year of being 36.

CURRENTLY

Outgrowing most of my maternity clothes.  I am between 28 and 29 weeks and down to just a handful of shirts that stretch all the way over my belly.  Since I am planning on this being my last pregnancy, I've tried to get by with purchasing as few maternity things as possible.  But, I think it's time to do a little bit of shopping.

Eating too many sweets.  If they are in the house, I want to eat them.  I need to get them out of the house.  Soon.  My next doctor appointment is in less than a week and I'm kind of scared to step on their scale.

Using prompts from my "Documenting Baby" resource to journal about my pregnancy.  I haven't been very good about taking baby bump photos, but I've got the journaling part covered.

Feeling so proud of Sam.  He has made a lot of strides in the last few months.  I can see him growing and maturing all the time.

Confused by Sam's erratic sleep schedule.  He has never been a "good" sleeper, but he used to at least be predictable:  generally 8pm to 5am with a trip or two to our room in the middle of the night.  Since he started preschool in January, there is no telling what time he might fall asleep or wake up.  His bedtimes have been as early as 6pm and as late as 9pm.  His wake up times have varied from 4am to 7:30 am.

Thankful for a slight reprieve in the winter weather.  We had two beautiful days last week and the highs have just generally moved from the 20s/30s to the 40s/50s.  I will take it and look forward to the continued warm up in the next few months.

Amazed at Eli's transition to a "big boy bed."  We switched him just over a week ago and he's done so, so well.  The "bed" is really just a twin mattress on the floor and we had it in his room for a few weeks before trying to get him to sleep there.

Daydreaming about entrepreneurial ventures.  This is nothing new for me, but has been on overdrive in the last month or two.

VOICE - UNEXPECTED RESULTS FROM MY 2015 ONE LITTLE WORD

My One Little Word for 2015 was VOICE.  Now that we are a couple months into 2016, I thought I would do a final "check-in" and recap of what this word has grown to mean to me.

Being true to myself and doing so bravely were the big ideas behind choosing VOICE as my word for 2015.  I also had smaller, spin-off hopes and goals related to the word, but I really wanted to focus on giving myself the freedom to live confidently as me.

If you follow Gretchen Rubin (via books, podcast, blog, etc.), you have probably heard her personal commandment to "Be Gretchen."  Choosing voice was, in part, my way of reminding myself to "Be brooke."

As the year progressed, I found myself challenged by the lack of tangible, doable action items related to my word.  I really wanted to be able to make a list and work my way through it, crossing things off as I went along.  My word, or at least my interpretation of it, did not lend itself to this.

Instead, it was more of a subjective, "feeling" type word.  It required reflection - on both big and small scales.  I tried to continually ask myself, "What choice would I make if I were being true to myself?"  When it was time to look back, I asked myself "Have I been true to my own voice?  Am I headed somewhere I want to head?"

By the time I reached the end of the year I was more than ready to be done with this word.  I do feel like I am in a better, braver place when it comes to following my own voice.  But, I think I was already kind of there before.  My natural tendency is to question every expectation and to only follow through on the ones that make sense to me.  (I'm a questioner.)  So, I'm not sure "voice" really got me much further along the path.

But, (and I'm thankful for this but) there have been some unexpected and unintended results that came from having this word in my life and keeping it at the front of my conscience.

First, Sam.  He started speech/language therapy last August and his little voice has just blossomed in the intermittent months.  He is still a long ways behind a "typical' child of his age, but the results of therapy (and home work) have been amazing.  Although this link to my word was unintentional, the outcome is pretty fabulous.  I have loved watching him conquer each of the goals that his therapist sets out for him and seeing his language skills mature along the way.

Second, blogging.  I haven't been doing it and I'm more than okay with that.  While I don't intend for this to be "the end" of my blogging life, I really like that I have come to terms with writing or not writing as I feel so moved.  For too long, I put completely unnecessary pressure on myself to share on a set schedule and, over time, I began to put my role as "blogger" above things that were ultimately more important.

I love to write and I usually feel like I have something I want to share with the world, but the why behind it had kind of morphed into an icky thing.  It was part obligation and part "your voice doesn't exist / matter / hold value" if you're not sharing it with the internet at large.

I think that blogging was the real/big reason that I needed voice to be my word for 2015.  I needed to get to a place where I could release this part of my life from the weird pedestal where I had placed it.

Now, two months into 2016, I think I'm there.  I think I've sufficiently given it up and done so for the right reasons.  I feel like I can now come back to it with a different perspective.  So, you may find me here or you may not.  My plan is to write when I want to write and to not write when I don't want to write....in other words, just doing what feels real and true and fits with my voice.

Cheers and thank you for reading.

More posts on this topic:

One Little Word: Voice
Voice: January
Voice: February
Voice: March
Voice: April
Voice: May-September

SEPTEMBER IS HERE (AND SOME BLOGGING THOUGHTS)

September is here.  Brian has been back to school for a few weeks.  It is a new season and one that I've been anxiously awaiting.

I wouldn't change our summers for anything.  This one, in particular, was pretty great.  We spent a lot of days doing "nothing" or just tootling around town and exploring with the boys.  We traveled quite a bit and I finally got back into a serious reading groove.  It is such a blessing that Brian and I are both able to spend the entire summer "at home."

But I am a fool for routines and have been enjoying the last few weeks of getting back into a regular groove.

September is here.  It's more than ninety degrees out this afternoon.  But we've had a few nights of the temperatures dipping into the fifties.  I'm ready to embrace everything about autumn, including cooler weather.

I'm ready for my fall wardrobe (including sweaters!), soup and cornbread, trips to the apple orchard, a less-busy zoo (because the school aged kids are in school), a colorful leaf-collecting walk, cozying up under a quilt and making a few new quilts.

September is here.  I'm digging in my heels for a new round of this blogging thing.

Getting started has been difficult, this time.  I know how much time it takes and I know how little time I have.  I know what I'm getting into.

It keeps calling to me and my attempts to ignore it have proven futile.  I go through my days thinking, "I could blog about that" and so many things are asking to be shared.  For a while, I thought I could be content with sharing via Instagram, but it just isn't the same.

If one was trying to build a solid audience, one wouldn't continue to change platforms and restart their blog from scratch.  But here I am on round three of "grace and light" and back to using blogger with zero followers.  I have my reasons (and also hopes and plans for getting some new readers / convincing my previous readers to find me again), but eesh.  It's still a little scary.

If you are reading this, I'm glad you're here.  I'm ready to take on this blogging adventure, yet again.

ON MAKING THE BED

For most of my life, I've been a proud anti-bed-maker.  It wasn't an act of rebellion from being forced to make my bed as a kid.  It wasn't that I enjoyed the fact that I didn't have to make my bed.  It was just that I was going to get back into it and mess it up again at the end of the day.  I didn't see the point.   I would estimate that my bed has been made less than 5% of my adult life.  

To contradict this, I have vague memories of a period of time (when I was single) when I made my bed and then slept on top of the made bed with a throw blanket on top of me.  In the morning, all I had to do was throw the blanket back on the couch and my bed was "made."  

Although I hadn't analyzed it much until now, this "make the bed and keep it made 24/7" phase is telling.  I do like the bed to be made.  I was just too lazy to do it.  

Out of the blue, Brian made our bed on a random day about two months ago.  

I had no idea what prompted him to do it, but I liked it.  Our room felt like a bit of a refuge from the general kid chaos that always takes over the rest of the house.  Our room felt calm and I'm always a fan of calm. 

So, I made the bed the next day and that evening Brian told me how much he liked it.  

It has been made almost every day since.  

I think the thing is that once the bed is made, the room feels put together.  It makes me want to keep the rest of the bedroom tidy and organized.  No piles of laundry - clean or dirty.  No random piles of papers on top of my dresser. A made bed is a catalyst for keeping things neat.  It makes me want to find similar motivations in the other rooms of our house.      

As an added bonus, our daily bed-jumping and tickling sessions always have a nice, photo-ready backdrop.  

And, to follow up on my "lazy" comment above, I should note that we sleep with just a fitted sheet and a duvet.  So, making the bed is as simple as straightening the duvet cover over our pillows and calling it done.  It's almost as simple as throwing that throw blanket back on the couch and I'll proudly admit to it because simple means I'm willing to do it and if it were more complicated I probably wouldn't.

LENT DEVOTIONS

"Watch Jesus.  Walk beside Him.  Listen to what He says and how He lives.  Wonder at His love and reflect on His grace.   This is our joy, this is our great gift in life - to get to follow Him."  

Part of my focus related to my One Little Word for 2015 is about getting back into Bible study and devotion time, so that God's voice can be a part of my life again.  

My plan was to take some time to search the internet for a devotion series and ask a few friends for their suggestions.  We all know how internet searches go, right?  One link leads to another and eventually you have too many options and it feels impossible to make the "right" choice.  And, my plan for asking some friends had yet to turn into an actual conversation or email inquiry.  

Thankfully, God has a hand in all things and he put a link to a Lent devotion series right in front of me - no need to even take the time to search.  It was right there in my Instagram feed and as soon as I saw it, I knew that it was there for a reason - for me to see.  I needed to do it.  The series is by Naptime Diaries and is a 40 day devotional for the Lent season, culminating at Easter.

I found this a bit too late to purchase the  physical journal, so I am using the digital product and writing my responses to the prompts into a journal that I already had on hand.  My first response came out as a jumble of thoughts that was honest, but messy (both in penmanship and in organization of thought).  I wrote it all out, let my thoughts percolate overnight and went back in the morning to add, edit and rewrite.  I liked that this process gave me a chance to think things over and write things out twice.  It encouraged me to look a bit deeper.  I'm going to keep it up - writing my initial thoughts in the evening and going back to those thoughts again in the morning.  

If you've been looking to get into the Bible a bit deeper (or even if you haven't, but now feel so moved): it's not too late.  Join in.  See where God takes you during this season.   

THANKFUL, 2014

50 things I am thankful for: 

Brian, Samuel, Elijah, my faith, my family, Brian's family, the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mama, overlapping nap times, summer, my boys' love of books, breastfeeding, sleep, upcoming vacations, Sam's Sunday School class, zoo membership, the zoo, the library, our neighbors, friends, Shawna, our home, Mabel, my cameras, FaceTime, my book club, Project Life, no more Facebook, blogging, picnics, road trips, podcasts, date nights, blank notebooks, Brian's sense of humor, the ability to stay PRN at the hospital, the joy of watching Sam and Eli learn new things, getting rid of things, daydreaming, Brian's job, learning new things, Instagram, mornings, our neighborhood, our emergency fund, chocolate, not being pregnant right now, our church, new projects, big windows allowing lots of light into our house, our cars that keep on ticking.

- - - - - - - - - - - 

My life has been blessed with so many wonderful people, places, opportunities and possessions.  I am thankful for all of it and continually reminded that even the things that don't feel like blessings in the moment are part of a bigger plan that make up the framework of this one beautiful life.  

Most of all, I am grateful for this life that I am living right now.  It is more than I could have imagined a year ago and so, so much more than I could have imagined seven years ago.  I am forever thankful that God put Brian in my path and that He has blessed us with this life that we are building together.    

THINGS I DO EVERY DAY

One of Gretchen Rubin's "Secrets of Adulthood" is that what you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. 

These are the things I do every day:

I snuggle with my boys.

I read to my boys. 

I write. 

I do something nice for Brian.

I look at our budget/financial situation.

I photograph. 

I play with design and color. 

I laugh at something Brian says or does.

- - - - - -

I am happy with my list.  I'd say it is a pretty decent reflection of both my priorities and my ideal day.

There are things (like exercise) that I feel should be on that list, but aren't.  And, that's okay.  Someday, they might make the list.  For now, I am content with me and with where I stand.

I AM THE KIND OF WOMAN WHO

I am the kind of woman who becomes more confident in myself with each passing year.

I am the kind of woman who is completely okay with being called a girl.

I am the kind of woman who wants to spend more time with my sister.

I am the kind of woman who feels uncomfortable as a hostess.

I am the kind of woman who revels in bits of alone time. 

I am the kind of woman who never wants to quit learning.

I am the kind of woman who falls short of my aspirations on a daily basis.

I am the kind of woman who is thankful for my marriage.

I am the kind of woman who wants to be a better wife.

I am the kind of woman who knows approximately nothing about popular culture. 

I am the kind of woman who could be (and kind of wants to be) a minimalist, but isn't.

I am the kind of woman who prays throughout the day - prayers of gratitude and pleas for help.

I am the kind of woman who wants everything in her home to be "pretty."

I am the kind of woman who is, all in all, quite peaceful and content.

After writing about motherhood from my perspective, I wanted to consider my stance on life outside of motherhood.

A LETTER FROM THE FUTURE

September 2015

Dear brooke,

Congratulations on a successful first year as a stay at home mama.

As the year progressed, I watched you relax into your new role and the new routines that came with it.  It is evident that you take pride in the choice you made and that you are soaking in the minutes that add up to this awesome opportunity you've been given.

This year, you have started to learn what it means to serve your family in this season.  You have successfully achieved a balance between getting things done and just slowing down to enjoy the hours and the days.  You managed to leave the house (in something other than workout clothes) every week (and most days) of the year.

You have learned that you need to find (and make) little pockets of time for yourself. You have learned that you need to reach out to old friends and also make some new ones.  And you took the initiative to do so.  You have made time for both writing and creating. You have contributed to the family budget by meeting your income goal for the year. 

You set some basic priorities at the beginning of the year: meaningful quality time with each of your menfolk, Bible and prayer time, teaching your little ones about Jesus, living within your budget, making time for yourself.  You are succeeding in each of these areas and your daily living is better for it. 

You are now one year into this journey and I know that you are excited to start the next. 

I am proud of you. 

Love,

brooke

P.S. Brian really appreciated the couple hundred times that you packed his lunch for him this year.  It was pretty awesome that you did so with a happy spirit. 

Thanks to The Art of Possibility, care of Chris Guillebeau for inspiring this post.

WALKING THE WALK

Yesterday, I wrote about the fears that face me as I make plans to become a stay-at-home-mom.  As I was working on that post and mulling over the things that I wanted to say, a perfectly timed email arrived in my inbox.  It was a blog post by Jamie Martin titledThe Fear and The Funk of Homeschooling.

Within that post were two important quotes that really helped me to look at my fears from a new perspective.  

Jamie wrote:  "When it comes to combating fear and its lies, the vision you ultimately have for your family serves as the most powerful weapon in your arsenal."  

And from Holley Gerth's book You're Made for a God-Sized Dream (which was referenced in Jamie's blog post): "Fear camps out right next to whatever it is you're most called to do.  That means the closer you get to your calling, the louder fear sounds."

It is pretty obvious that neither of these quotes really does anything to "solve" my fears.  But they go a long way toward helping me realize that I am headed in a direction that is right for me.  These quotes remind me that my dream, my vision and my heart's desire - all leading me to stay home - are bigger than my fears.  Much bigger. 

I ran across one more quote, this past week, that has also helped me to mentally push through my fears and encouraged me to keep moving toward my goal of staying home.  Toward the end of Donald Miller's Storyline 2.0, Donald wrote: "If you have a fear of failure, here's my advice: fail.  ...What costs you is the fear to try.  Everybody loves and respects a person who tries, whether they fail or not.  Failure is an education, not a judgment."

Being a stay-at-home-mom is an endeavor that I need to take a good run at.  I know that if I didn't try, I would always wonder where it might have taken me.  I'm almost certain that I won't look back at my children's baby and toddler-hood's and wish that I had worked during that time.

I realize that staying home isn't the right choice for every mom and that many families aren't able to make it a financial possibility.  But this is the path that our family is choosing and we are going to push right through our fears to see where this journey takes us.

Many, many thanks to Jamie, Holley and Donald for your perfectly-timed encourgement.  And many thanks, also, to the staying-home moms who have told me how much I will love it. 

THE MAGIC OF WRITING YOUR THOUGHTS

I have a friend that has agreed to be my blogging/business buddy. 

We made this agreement a couple months ago, with the idea of writing to one another when we were stuck.  I would write to her if I needed help moving forward on a project.  I would write to her with a half-plan that needed a bit of feedback.  I would write to her when I needed another perspective.  I would write to her for input or to give her two differing ideas to see if one seemed like the “right choice” to her.  And, of course, she would write to me with the same types of concerns. 

We have indeed written to one another.  We have offered each other opinions on a few small matters. 

But the majority of the emails I have written to her have not been sent.

What happens instead is that as I explain my dilemma and the available decisions that I see regarding the situation, I write out my own solution. 

I don’t think this would necessarily happen if we were having a verbal conversation.  I am less articulate in my speech than in my writing.  Writing allows me time to think about the best way to explain a situation.  It also allows me to edit and to edit my edits until things are written out as plainly as I can make them.  Once the ideas and options are out of my spinning head and in black and white in front of me, the path forward is almost always obvious.

So, Miss Natalie, thank you.  Our buddy system is serving me well.

(And, if you’re stuck, might I recommend writing it all down as if explaining it to a friend?)

MOTHERHOOD

I am the kind of mother who likes to be called mama. 

I am the kind of mother who has a lot of difficulty staying awake past 9:30pm.

I am the kind of mother who lets my kiddos get messy.

I am the kind of mother who occasionally forgets to make them wash up between getting messy and eating a snack and doesn't really worry too much about it.

I am the kind of mother who enjoys story time at the library just as much as my two year old does.

I am the kind of mother who cherishes book reading time with my boys.

I am the kind of mother who loves little family traditions / jokes / phrases.

I am the kind of mother who makes my kids sit through church services.

I am the kind of mother who has no problem giving my children the occasional "kid's meal" from a fast food restaurant.

I am the kind of mother who requires (at least a tiny bit) of alone time each day.

I am the kind of mother who encourages the eating of non-breakfast-foods for breakfast.

I am the kind of mother who is grateful for the blessing of my own mama.

I am the kind of mother who really likes to take naps.

I am the kind of mother who takes a lot of photographs.

I am the kind of mother who tickles and laughs and lets my kids jump on the furniture.

I am the kind of mother who requires that permission be granted before kids leave the dinner table.

I am the kind of mother who willingly holds sticky little hands as we say prayers.

I am the kind of mother who doesn't allow children to sleep in my bed.

I am the kind of mother who too often gets frustrated and cranky.

I am the kind of mother who lets the laundry pile up.

I am the kind of mother who is thankful for the blessings of my step-mom and mother-in-law.

I am the kind of mother who is sometimes okay with a messy house.

I am the kind of mother who is sometimes not okay with a messy house.

I am the kind of mother who sometimes waits too long to buy things.

I am the kind of mother who takes pride in my boys.

I am the kind of mother who lets Brian take care of things like vacuuming and pancake making.

I am the kind of mother who is enjoying childhood again from a different perspective.

I am the kind of mother who is blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

Many thanks to Rhonda of Pink Ronnie for being the inspiration for this post.  

ME 34.0

I turned 34 last week.  For me, birthdays are a lot like Januarys.  Times to regroup and start anew.

The big "in the works" project for this year is becoming a stay-at-home mama.  While that is huge and something I'm incredibly excited about, it is still a few months away and doesn't feel quite real yet.

For now, I'm sticking with my theme for the year.  A version upgrade.  Me: 34.0. I want to put new energy into everything that I already have going.  I want to build on where I am.

So, where am I?  I am poised to experience my fourth year of marriage with my Brian.  I am a mama to an infant and a two year old.  I am crafting, writing, curating and generally blogging my free time away.  I am (slowly) working to make my body feel more like my own again.  I am daydreaming about future projects and plans - both business and personal.  I want to embrace these things and do them with heart. 

I want to push further and push harder.  I want to take my still-in-their-infancy ideas and projects and run with them.  I want to look back, a year from now, and know that I've enjoyed my time with my boys and been as "present" as possible in our moments together.  I also want to see that I've created more and said "yes" to more.

Thirty-four, let's be good to one another. 

THANKFUL, 2013

Originally inspired by The Frugal Girl, this is my third year writing a thankful list. 

50 Things I am thankful for:

1 Brian.  I am so thankful that I get to spend my days and years with this guy by my side.

2 Sam.  I am thankful for this sweet little bundle of energy and for the opportunity to be his mama.

3 Baby 2.  I love having him with me 24/7 right now.  I love feeling his wiggles and kicks.  And, I can’t wait to meet him.   

4 Health.  Every time I am sick, I am re-reminded of the blessings of health. 

5 Family.  We are beyond blessed with the most wonderful people to call our family.  They are fun, kind, generous and so incredibly loving. 

6 Friends.   Ditto to the family comments.  Seriously, I have the best friends. 

7 My beliefs and the hope, trust and comfort they instill. 

8 Our home.  Building a house was on my “someday I will do it” list and we did it.  I love our house and the home that it is for our family.

9 Project Life.  I am thankful for this creative outlet that has a practical purpose.

10 My optimistic personality.  I am well aware that this isn’t something that everyone is blessed with.  I am thankful for it.

11 Living within a budget.  Life feels awesome when we live inside of a written financial plan.  A budget that is on paper and on purpose, fits me like a glove.

12 My cameras.  Capturing the moments and the beauty of things both big and small makes me happy.

13 Mabel.  Our sweet Mabel.  She is good for loving on and a wonderful motivator for taking walks.  Also, I am thankful for her relationship with Sam.

14 Our growing family.  I love and am continually amazed at the difference just a few years can make.  Five years ago, it was just Mabel and I hanging together.  Now we have a whole crew to call our family.

15 Books.  I can happily spend hours snuggled on the couch with a good book.

16 Our church.  I am thankful for our church home and our church family.  I am thankful that we can give the gift of a church community to our boys.

17 Anticipation.  I almost always gather as much joy in the planning and anticipation of future events as I do in the events themselves.  I am thankful for this added pleasure.

18 Blogs to read.  I am thankful for blog “friends” and for the insights that I gain as I read what others have to share.

19 Goals and projects.  These are the things that give shape to my days. 

20 Project 333.  I am so thankful that I tried this project and learned how much I appreciate a small, but well-curated wardrobe.

21 Color.  I am thankful for all of the beautiful colors that make up our world.

22 Grace and Light.  I love having this place to share my heart, my dreams, my plans and projects.

23 Eyeglasses.  I am thankful for the ability to see without having to put things on my eyes.  (Contacts = my worst nightmare.)

24 Travel.  Time away from home is nice every now and then.

25 FaceTime.  I love that Sam gets to “see” his grandparents and Auntie that live too far away.  I am thankful that it has helped him to have a better relationship with all of them.

26 Full days.  I don’t like days that are overly scheduled, but I do like going to bed knowing that I accomplished a lot.

27 Date nights.  Time with my Brian is the best. 

28 Neighbors.  We live by good and fun people.  I appreciate that. 

29 Instagram.  I just can’t get on board with Facebook, but Instagram floats my boat.  I am thankful for the connections that it has helped me build and maintain.

30 Brian’s sister Michelle and her family.  We love them.  Sam loves them.  They help us out in millions of ways. 

31 Summer.  Oh summer.  Warmth.  Brian’s time away from school.   Walks.  Summer is good.

32 Brian’s sense of humor.  He makes me laugh every single day.  I love that.

33 The library.  Books.  For free.  Plus, Story Time.  I am thankful for the library.

34 Food.  I wanted to pick something a bit more specific, but really couldn’t narrow it down.  I am thankful for all kinds of yummy food. 

35 The end of Candy Crush.  Sam deleted it from my phone.  I didn’t have it linked to Facebook, so I was going to have to start again at level one.  I am thankful for the end of my Candy Crush addiction.  (Good kid, I have, huh?)

36 Sam’s love of reading.  I am thankful that he will have books to grow with and learn from for the rest of his life.

37 Cloth diapers.  We have no need to run to the store for diapers or wipes or to include them in our monthly budget.  This makes me happy. 

38 Notebooks.  I love the sense of possibility in a blank page and I love it even more when the page is full.  If the notebook is pretty, all the better.

39 Mornings.  I have always loved mornings.  I love the quiet and the fresh start.  Right now, I also love the bit of time that Brian and I have together before Sam wakes up.

40 Picnics.  One of my favorite things. 

41 Coworkers.  Our little lab world is richly blessed with wonderful people.

42 PicMonkey.  I use this website almost every day.

43 Mama-hood.  It still feels a bit surreal, sometimes, that I am someone's mama.  It is something that I longed for, for several years before it happened, and I am so grateful for the opportunity.

44 Dedicated savings accounts.  We currently have nine savings accounts.  Each has a different name/goal.  I am thankful for the peace of mind that I find in having money set aside for all of our various wants and needs.

45 Wiggles and kicks in my belly.  They are reassuring and miraculous.

46 Slow cookers.  We have two and there are many days when both are in use. 

47 Consignment sales and stores.  I get a kick out of finding clothes, toys and books for Sam without spending a lot of money.

48 Rare bits of "me" time.  It is depressing to think about going back to all "me" all the time.  But, when I get an hour here or there, I really, really appreciate it.

49 Breakfast!  Especially, breakfast with my boys. 

50 Our financial situation.  I am thankful that I will soon have the opportunity to be a stay at home mama.

STRUCTURED FREEDOM

One thing that blogging has taught me is how much I need (and thrive on) structured freedom.  It sounds a bit oxymoronic, but I have learned that I need both framework and flexibility to live well. 

As a lifestyle blogger, I have the freedom to write about all things "me."  That is a pretty awesome freedom that most niche bloggers don't get to exercise and I think it fits me well.  I don't easily fit into a box and I appreciate the freedom to share everything from my favorite breakfasts to my big fears and still have a place to share my crafting adventures.  Still, I need a plan to post every week day or I will end up neglecting this space all together. 

I am happiest when I am working on multiple endeavors and projects all at once and can see real progress on at least a few of them.  I love dreaming up new ideas and spending my time on creative projects, but I often need to set a deadline for their completion or they will linger somewhere between the "idea" phase and the "completed" phase, indefinitely. 

Essentially, grace and light is my structure.  Posting to the blog is both an obligation and a natural deadline.  It encourages me to move forward on my various projects.  It encourages me to keep entertaining new ideas and to push myself creatively. 

Having the blog (and you at the other end of it) helps me to stay motivated and encourages me to dream new dreams.  

COLLECTING QUOTES

I've been on quote collecting overdrive, lately.

I've always enjoyed keeping meaningful quotes and lately I've been considering why I find them so delightful. 

When I come across a quote that really speaks to me, I want to hold onto it.  I hand write it into my quote book and every now and then I spend an hour or so reading through all of the quotes that I've collected. 

Some quotes are inspirational.  Some are funny.  Some are eye opening.  Some are just beautifully worded.

My favorite quotes are those where the author has perfectly stated something that I've felt or experienced myself but not been able to put into words.  These kinds of quotes make my heart catch.  It is humbling to realize that my feelings are not unique.  It is gratifying to realize that someone out there has experienced the same thing I have and felt something so similar that their words can take my breath away.

Finding quotes that are meaningful to my life helps me to see my innate humanness and the connection that I have with every other person living on this planet.  Whether a quote inspires me, gives me a new perspective or speaks to my heart, reading something that has the power to make me reflect further on my own life and my own experiences is pretty amazing.  How wonderfully awesome it is to be moved to tears or laughter by something written by another person living in a different time and place.

My quote book and my Bigger Things album (where I also like to record some of the quotes that I come across) are a lot like personalized self-help books.  The recorded words of wisdom have been hand-picked by me because I find them valuable and feel a deep connection to them.  Reading back through the quotes, I learn and am inspired anew.