I was talking with one of my co-workers the other day about how easy it is to make plans and talk about things but how scary it can be to actually take the plunge. And so, comes this post:
I'm getting pretty good at talking the talk on this whole stay-at-home-mom thing. And, in general, I feel at peace about the decision. There are things that weigh on my mind a bit, though and it is still pretty hard to imagine myself actually walking out of work without any intentions of going back.
The fears feel a lot like a boogey man hiding in my closet. I've basically avoided thinking about them because I didn't want them to be real. But they are real. They are legitimate concerns that need to be considered and addressed.
So, I took some time to analyze my worries. They boil down to this: fears relating to people and fears relating to money.
People:
I worry about being the only one of my closest friends that stays home with her kiddos. I'm not worried about finding new stay-at-home mom friends, but it would just be nice to have one of my close / lifelong friends going through similar things alongside of me.
I have concerns about people judging me for my decision to stay home. It doesn't seem to be the "normal" decision, even though I believe it to be the right one for me and for our family. Staying home feels like it needs to be somehow justified, which I don't want to do and don't want to have to do. Thankfully, I am slowly growing a thicker skin and caring more about what's right for my situation and less about what others think.
I worry about losing my work friendships. I work with some seriously amazing people. I appreciate the fact that I get paid to spend time with these people every week. Not being part of their group will be a big adjustment and not seeing them on a regular basis will be even harder.
Money:
I have general misgivings about living solely off of Brian's income. I know that it is possible, but I also know that it will require sacrifices. Our lifestyle will have to change, at least to some extent. Right now, we are pretty darn comfortable. If we want something, we can pretty much have it and our savings accounts are pretty well cushioned. This decision will force us into realigning some plans and acclimating our brains to a new income level.
People and Money:
One of my biggest fears is not having the funds to easily visit my sister and my mom. They each live several states away from me and several states away from each other. They aren't just any old people that I'd like to see. They are my people. I want to see them regularly and as much as possible. I want Sam to grow up knowing them. And, I don’t want to place the burden of paying for travel solely on their shoulders.
Lessons learned:
Taking time to stop and consider exactly what I was afraid of was good for me. It helped me to know myself better. It helped me to see what things I need to work through and overcome. Also, putting a specific name to my fears made them a lot less scary than the unknown and unnamed boogey man that had been living too long in my closet.
This journey is going to require big, bad doses of both faith and trust. ...things I'm working on.
I have more to say on this topic, but I'll leave it for tomorrow and the weeks ahead.
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