As we anticipated Eli's arrival and Sam's simultaneous loss of being the only child, I had a lot of mixed emotions. It all felt a bit bittersweet as we came to the end of our "family of three" era. One of my biggest fears about becoming a mama of two was finding time to spend individually with each of my boys.
It seemed as if it would be unfair to Eli to only get shared mama time, while Sam was able to bask in dedicated mama time for the first two years of his life. I was also worried about Sam suddenly losing all the attention to which he was accustomed. And, on my own part, I was sad/worried about missing out on individual time with each of them.
Although my worries were not unfounded, in two short months I've shifted from worrying about it to finding ways to make it work. I'm also getting little glimpses into the relationship that Sam and Eli will have with one another. Thinking about that makes my heart do a little skip of joy and reminds me how wonderful it is that they have one another.
Nursing has been my first blessing on the "time with Eli" front. This is my first time being a full-time breastfeeding mama. (Sam and I had latching issues, so he drank expressed breast milk via bottle.) It feels like God gave me the gift of nursing to help me through my concerns. It has provided me with hour upon hour of individual cuddle time with Elijah and I am oh so thankful.
The other time that I currently get to spend with Eli is during Sam's nap time and after Sam goes to bed in the evening. Often, I find myself wishing this time away. Wishing they would sleep at the same time so that I could get something done around the house or find half an hour to take a nap myself. But, on the days when I have a good attitude, I love these precious moments when I get to really focus on Eli. We snuggle, read books, play photo studio, have tummy time and study one another.
To a large extent, my "Sam time" really has suffered. Gone are the days of just the two of us hanging out all day. I miss having more focused time with him, but I have found that when we do find time to be together I really enjoy and appreciate it. I soak in that yummy little boy smell from the top of his head, we sit on the floor and work on puzzles or dance around his room.
As we continue on our journey, I want to continue to take time with each of my boys individually. I want to really know who they are as individuals and want them to know just how much love I have for them and all of their unique ways.
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